𝓦𝓸𝔀, 𝓘'𝓶 𝓲𝓷 𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮 ~ 𝓚𝓵𝓮𝓲𝓷𝓹𝓱𝔂 / 𝓒𝓸𝓷𝓶𝓪𝓷

. － Fifteen // Connor － . (Rem;)

Connor's P.O.V. (Remade)

The cafeteria doors are wide open. And all I can do is stare. And stare, and stare, and stare. It doesn't bother me that he isn't here. It definitely bothers me that I can't talk to him, but every man needs some alone time, right? I feel that. So why the fuck would I get in between it? If he wants to eat his lunch outside, then I'll let him. With everyone hounding him over the dance, I'm sure he's kinda tired and annoyed. And by sure I mean I am completely sure. 

Michael taps me on the shoulder, and I flinch unintentionally. He seems to notice that I would rather not engage in that sort of conversation, and ignores it. "Hey, so, we're talking about ways to sneak alcohol into the punch." He says, smiling wide. I blink at him. "No thanks." I respond, and go back to my staring contest with whoever enters through those doors. "Connor, it'll be fun. Why not?" Oh, maybe because my various fucking doctors say that I need to stay away from literally all of it. Alcohol, heroine, pills, all of it. 

And honestly, after having a brush with death, I'd rather not tempt the fates. "I don't... I'm not supposed to." I mutter back to him. He smirks. "Well, we're not supposed to be putting any alcohol in the punch in the first place, and yet--" I glare at him. "Michael, get it though your head. I. Am. Not. Supposed. To." He sighs back, blowing a raspberry at me. "Strict parents?" 

"Sure. If that's what you want to call it." Although, it sincerely is not. "Ah." Then he goes back to speaking with everyone else there. I walk out, trying to calm myself the fuck down, because every single fucking time I see the old me come out, I'm tempted to drown him with the exact thing I'm trying to keep away from. Booze, or literally anything else that can get me high or tipsy. 

At this point, the only way I can even keep myself from taking the easy way out is thinking: "What the fuck would your friends think? Or mom? Or Zoe? Or.. Well. Or Jared, because of course, how he thinks of you should come first. But not in a stalkery-way, no. Definitely not." ...Usually with the last bit excluded or watered down. 

I try to think of everyone, but it always ends up back at him. And I do care about everyone. He just won't leave my head without a fight. A fight that I am not exactly willing to participate in. 

I step into the boy's bathroom, opening a stall, and setting the seat down quietly, then bringing out my sketchbook. Art's next period anyway, but with Alana now it just feels so awkward. Like she can see through my soul. Which is weird. Really weird. Because the last time I had a good conversation with her was tenth grade, (Two years ago) and even then it was about how I changed 'Huck Finn' to 'Fuck Finn'. Which I completely think she was only laughing at to make me feel a little better. (It worked.)

For now, I'd like my alone time. Where no one is up in my face, nobody's fucking shoving booze at me, or forcibly down my throat, and I can think logically about this whole dance thing. How will I get there, what will I wear? Will Zoe give me a ride? Possibly?

Will I try to flirt with him? Or will I back down? And what the fuck will Larry say if I actually get him to like me back?

See, it's better to think about these things over a long period of time. Which for me at the moment is around fifteen minutes. So I ponder up ways to impress him, a way to beg for Zoe to drive me if she is going, (If she isn't, I'll just walk) a way to somehow lure Rich away from us while I attempt to be an attractive person. (Already failing.)

Yep.

I've got tons of shit to prepare for.

Word Count : 723

Time : 10:35 p.m. lmao (I tired :>)

Inspo : Still okay, mostly I just want a kissy scene v bad 

P.O.V for the next chapter: JARe WoOoO