𝓦𝓸𝔀, 𝓘'𝓶 𝓲𝓷 𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮 ~ 𝓚𝓵𝓮𝓲𝓷𝓹𝓱𝔂 / 𝓒𝓸𝓷𝓶𝓪𝓷

. － Thirty Four // Connor － . (Rem;)

Connor's P.O.V (Remade)

Of course.

That's all I can think, usually with something after it, like: Of course, I just made him uncomfortable. Of course, he just left because of me. Of fucking course, Michael is giving me the look like I fucked with the wrong person. But I didn't mean to, I didn't want to. I'd never want to harm him. He's got enough of that. 

He sighs. "The fuck did you do, Murphy?" I glance over at him. "I-- don't know." "Spit it out, dude. Did you say something dumb, or what?" "I asked if he wanted me to help out with his assignments." His glare softens. "Why the fuck would he be angry about that?" I shrug. "I don't know, but I feel guilty as fuck." He slides closer to me, hand on his chin, like he's really actually thinking about this. "Did you say something to him before lunch?" I pause, freeze up, really, and stare. I just stare at the little glint in his glasses, then unfreeze randomly. "I asked him about his homelife."

"Oh." I tap a finger on the table, running a hand through my hair. "Did he tell you anything?" I feel my finger tapping more aggressively. "No. Nothing that was true." Michael now crosses his arms over his chest, tilting his head. He must be thinking again.

"Did you tell him you knew it wasn't true?" "Yeah," He now puts on a skeptical look. "Did you tell him anything else...?" The tapping gets faster. I feel about ready to bang my head on the table when the realization finally hits me. "I told him to tell me the truth." 

~

I sprinted out of the cafeteria before Michael could get another word in. Did I pose it too aggressively? Was it too much? I just wanted him to be able to be open with me. I run around, searching literally everywhere. Even resorting to asking some of the loners by the solar panels about it. Obviously, being loners, they didn't say much. Just a few mumbled out 'no,'s and 'I think I might've seen him earlier this week's. Which didn't fucking help. I walked toward the bathrooms last. Silence. But that's how the bathroom-dwellers like it, so I'm assuming there's a few people in here already. "Jared?"

"Go away, Connor." Bingo. "No, I don't--- I don't want to go away. I don't want to leave you alone because I feel like you fucking hate me, and I... just.. I don't just want to be the old fucking Connor Murphy to you!" Pause. There's a long pause. One of the stalls open, I know who's it is. He walks past me, grabbing my hand and pulling me out, into some secluded part of school. "I don't hate you. I don't want you to feel like I hate you, I just-- I really don't want you to--" He looks down at his shoes, laughing awkwardly. "I don't want you to just be another fucking Evan Thing."

"What? No, no, no-- I wouldn't..." "Not like that." I raise an eyebrow; he leans up against the brick wall behind him. "I don't want you to think that I fucking hate you. Or that I hate being around you. Or having you around. I do. I love you. I love being around you, I love this, us, I felt so much happier, when..." He trails off, biting part of his lip. God, what the hell did I do? Am I just another Evan Thing, or whatever-- "The point is,"

"I don't think your like Evan. Not idea-wise, anyway. I don't want it to turn out like him, I don't even want to think about him right now. I want to think about you, and me, and-- well, us. I'm just scared you might fucking have to laugh at my problems because they can't even compare to yours. I can't even..." Fuck no. I lean forward, pulling him into a kiss. "Listen to me. You are fucking perfect. If I didn't have you? I'd probably want to off myself actually. Your problems are big to you, their big to me, I care about you, about them, and about us. And if anything's ever hurting you, please, I just really want you to understand that the reason I ask you about it, is because I can't fucking stand you getting hurt. Again. I want to protect you, alright? You've been through enough for a seventeen-year-old. We're both fucked up. Doesn't matter how much. I still really fucking love you."

Word Count : 841

Time :  12:06 p.m.

Inspo : AAAAAAAAA GOOD ITS GOOD IM FINE ITS GOOD- hhhdhalhf i love the supporters of this book right now, you know who you are readxr_uwu , ily, i love arizonaiceteass because y'all are honestly the motivation for my writing!! you two are supercool and awesome, and I am so glad you like this. It means so much <3

P.O.V for the next chapter: The Character That Needs More Fucking Love (Jare)