𝓦𝓸𝔀, 𝓘'𝓶 𝓲𝓷 𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮 ~ 𝓚𝓵𝓮𝓲𝓷𝓹𝓱𝔂 / 𝓒𝓸𝓷𝓶𝓪𝓷

. - Forty Three // Connor - . (Rem;)

Connor's P.O.V (Remade)

The walk back home was longer than expected. Every house on the way there had it's lights shut off. A possible car or two had rolled past me at some point, but I was so out of it I couldn't exactly tell. 

Zoe must have been waiting. When I got to the driveway, I directed my sidewalk-stare toward her blue Volvo, (the car which she always insisted on calling; quote, "a giant pile of shit", Larry said she got it from me) and to Zoe herself propped up against it. She glares down at a glowing screen, tapping one thumb against it, with the other near her mouth, little flakes of lilac nail polish dotting her chin. 

"You shouldn't do that. Chemicals, and shit.." Zoe seems to jump out of her skin, almost dropping her phone right onto the pavement. "Jesus!" She whisper-yells. I don't dare step closer and penetrate the good five feet between us. But she does, tiredly stumbling forward as she clicks off her phone and shoves it into the puffed up jacket she's wearing. "What's up?" 

The sincerity in her eyes is kind of hurtful. I remember them from.. worse times. One time specifically where I had plans to meet with him, (I can still barely say his name, and still haven't even called him about basically everything) and Zoe went on about how I said I was going to help her tune up her new acoustic. Her big brown eyes are soul-searching, and absolutely terrifying. I ditched her that day, left a sticky note on the fridge that explained the basics. By that point I hadn't even touched mine in months. I had to look up a tutorial and scribble everything I could down on the tiny slip of paper, then generously leave her another on the banister explaining the placement of the info she needed. No idea why I didn't just give her the one I spent ten minutes making, but I guess my mind was some place else. 

My brain is now in that exact place all over again, actually. I'm so hyper focused on whatever the fuck is currently going on in my life that I completely forgot why I came here. Why am I here? Right, Zoe never told me. Not exactly. There must have been some clear implications. I resist the urge to grab my phone and re-read through our last texts.

Surprisingly, she doesn't start waving her hand in front of my face and asking if anyone was 'in there' as I stand with my mouth catching the cold night air perfectly. I clear my dried out throat, tossing a strand of hair behind my ear. God, when was the last time I cut it? Years, now. Sort of miss it short. 

I'm getting sidetracked again. I try to say something, but Zoe speaks first, sick and tired of waiting, probably. Always waiting. What the fuck is wrong with me. "I texted him." 

Her soft expression hardens instantly as she suddenly grabs her phone once again, closing in more on the safe distance we have. She holds her finger on the screen to unlock it, a precaution taken when Larry had found out both of our collective passwords (Which, by the way, he thought we didn't catch, but was very obvious when we'd found him rummaging through our shit on his laptop). "You what?"

She doesn't look up from her phone screen. "Wait, you know him?" Zoe hands me her phone. I scroll up on a blocked conversation. "Oh my god."

When I look back up, she's gone. Turning my head I find her sitting on the curb, an auburn lock twisted between her chipped and bitten nails. I give her back her phone, sitting down next to her. The personal space bubbles we both try and keep around each other interlock. Her head is on my shoulder, just like when we were kids and watching Rated R movies under a pillow fort in her room. Like when Larry and Cynthia were at each other's figurative throats downstairs again, and I'd spend the day teaching her different chords on her little hand-me-down ukulele, decorated in masking tape and constellations. I wonder where it went. 

The plethora or memories that flood to mind is overwhelming. So much. Everything is just.. so much. Too much. And really, when was the last time me and Zoe even talked? Normally? Months ago; years? Fuck.

"I'm sorry." I feel the nodding sensation travel from shoulder to neck. "I know. Me too." I turn my head to face her far off stare at the house across the street. "You shouldn't be sorry." My hands instinctively find their way into wrapping around one another, fighting off the cold whilst also acting as a nervous tick. Not one used often. "Neither should you. I mean, not really. Right?"

I beg to differ. "Zoe, I.." My phone buzzes in my pocket. The group chat is muted, done on my walk here. I couldn't deal with the insanity inducing amount of bombardment. I'll ignore it for now. "What I tried to do. To myself, it affected you, it affected everyone. I wasn't thinking. And it hurt you. And I don't like hurting you. Or anyone, not even d-- Larry, um.." A drop splashes onto the street. Even in the dimness of the lights overhead she can see it. She can see me. Raw, and broken, and undeserving. 

"I don't.. try to act like a total fucking monster." I continue, halfway between a laugh and a choked sob. "Contrary to popular belief." I drawl out a gesture toward the tormenting house behind us. Our house. Filled to the brim with memory paraphenalia, the good and the bad. Zoe links our arms. "Connor, I don't think your a monster. I never thought that." 

An ambush. She dives into a hug, closer then we'd been in so long. Physically and emotionally. Brother and sister again, who would've thought. Her jacket, whether intentionally or not, wipes away the tear streak when I hug back. Once we both find our bearings, she pulls back, small smile in place. Her hair falls to the sides of her face, a little tangled and untamed, fitting for the time of night it is.

"So, wait, did you really just ditch a sleepover to stand out in freezing weather for me?"  Our hands stay intertwined despite the distance we now put between each other. "Did you really never tell me you got a new boyfriend?"

I missed this. Us. Our little chats, gossiping about stupid guys we liked back in middle school. Although this one isn't stupid. Not at all. "I didn't think you cared." She bumps my shoulder with her own. "Dude. Spill the tea." I laugh through my teeth, now eyeing my pocket. "Is that him?" She raises both eyebrows, staring with me, beginning to rephrase. "Did he text?" 

"I don't know." Finally, a shaking hand squeezes around my phone to yank it out of my pants pocket. "Let's find out." 

Word Count : 1,292 wowza

Time : 12:36 a.m. HOLY FUCK HELLO AGAIN. I LEFT THIS APP FOR HORROR MOVIES & Ao3 AND ALSO TURNED 15 LAST WEEK WOW. TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF THIS NOT BEING FINISHED.

Inspo : decent- lol, happy to be updating again. this is me promising longer chapters and more fluff and resolve<3

P.O.V for the next chapter : the boy of which i have literally traumatized throughout this whole book. ohshit wait theres 2 of em. uhhh jared i think

Get called out for being amazing sfjjfbwkg : arizonaiceteass & the other reader left :( i mean i get it i dissipated from this app too but i hope your doing good and getting ur homework done my dude, much lovee