𝓦𝓸𝔀, 𝓘'𝓶 𝓲𝓷 𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮 ~ 𝓚𝓵𝓮𝓲𝓷𝓹𝓱𝔂 / 𝓒𝓸𝓷𝓶𝓪𝓷

. － Sixteen // Jared － . (Rem;)

Jared's P.O.V. (Remade)

New day, one day closer to probably now my least favourite event of all time. I'd rather stay at home, I really would. But do I want to leave Connor alone there? No. No, I'd rather not do that. So many people, drunk assholes mixing with tipsy loners, and crack-smokers. I don't think he'd like it. Just from the vibe he gives off. I'm focusing too much on him, aren't I? Of fucking course I am.

~

I walk out of my front door, and dig through my pocket for my keys. At some point I find them, and go to unlock my truck. But of course, something's got to get in the way of my existence, right? Right.

It's nothing big. Seriously, there's nothing really wrong with it either. But he's just standing there. Staring at me. So I stare back. 

"Evan, what the fuck are you doing here?" And he's up and out of his trance. "Uh, well, I thought." I raise my eyebrow at him. "I just thought, Jared, that we could like. Actually talk? We haven't... we haven't talked at all since--" I cut him off there. "Look, Hansen, although I totally love having convos with creeps like you at 7:00 in the morning without a drop of caffeine in my system," I pause, and put on an annoyed expression. "Fuck off." 

"That was. Abrupt." I cross my arms over my chest, visibly showing him how much I don't want to be fucked with right now. "Yeah, no shit Sherlock. Let me get to class on time." He shakes his head. "Stop-- please, just stop being--" And then I cut him off again.

This is no longer 'okay'. There's no longer 'nothing wrong with it'. "'Such an asshole'? I'm sorry, would you prefer seeing the actual fucking mess that is my emotional state, Evan, because if we're both being honest here, no. You wouldn't." He shrugs, and grabs the arm where his cast used to be. A fucking weird habit that I could never get over. And still can't. "I don't know, Jared, maybe I would. And maybe, just maybe, I'd... I'd be okay with you. With this. With your 'mess of an emotional state'. Because in all honesty, look at who your talking to."

He points to himself. I roll my eyes, and he sighs. "If all you came here to do was see some nicer side of me then your wasting your time. Because yeah, I've already used most of that for you. Now move." He steps away from the driver-seat door, and I start to unlock it. I'm fucking done with this. With him. With thinking about it. 

"I didn't come here to see whatever-the-fuck kind of 'nice side' you supposedly have. I came here to see my friend, but clearly I fucked that up too. Like everything. Like Zoe, like the Murphys. Like Connor." He side-eyes me. "At least tell him that I'm sorry. If anything." Mhm. Sure. Yeah. I wonder where my apology went. Down the drain, I'm guessing. "I'll think about it. But don't get your hopes up." "Bye." 

~

At this point, you wouldn't believe the massive amount of shit that I wish wasn't included in. Or maybe you would, I wouldn't know. But trying to keep this mental breakdown internal is getting fucking harder as I sit here, alone, before school even starts, tapping my foot on the ground probably too aggressively, and waiting for someone to show up.

Now, don't get the wrong idea, I don't want to see Connor because Evan wants me to apologise for him. No, I want to see Connor so I can have some form of comfort. I want to see Connor to get my mind off of Evan. Or The Connor Project lie, or Zoe Murphy, or literally any of it. I want to get away from fucking all of it. 

Some random playlist is going on my headphones, but I can't focus. A song clicks on, I try to just only focus on that. Specifically that. The lyrics, anything. But at the moment, instead of it being booming music in my ears, it's so fucking faint. 

"Are you gonna stick with that story?"

I inhale, and let my mind go blank. The song continues, I try to stop fucking thinking about Evan, but the song that came on clearly did not want that.

"Talk big about your life to make it seem less boring.
And are you gonna keep on going
to the gym so you can see him?"

"'Cause every single time that your caught inside a lie, you'll just fake another tear so that I'll feel bad that your crying.

But inside I'm dying. And every other day when you come home late, and you smell like sex, I'll say that you look great... 'Cause what else can I say?

Word Count : 869

Time : 10:51 p.m. eheheheheheheheheh

Inspiration : dude whenever i run outta inspo (or run outta some inspo) i just think about the plotline of this book that hasn't been written and then boom- inSPiRatIoN

P.O.V For The Next Chapter : Connor  my gothy emo sad and mad bittersweet second favourite :)

(Also, the song is jimbo by fredo disco, if you were wondering *as i have a fredo disco obsession in the background*)