Forever & Always 3

2.4

FLASHFORWARD: A weeks later, Hadiyeh's bedside, London

JJ had come to visit Hadiyeh later than usual.

"I should have come earlier." He apologised, "Im sorry, it was Jannah'a first day at nursery, the lady there was lovely and she was wearing your merch," He whispered. There was silence for a few minutes nothing but the sound of the heart rate machine giving the room abience

He held her hand and drawing circles on her palm with his thumb, watching her a small smile on his lips. He was thankful to the stars and heavens for her, but sometimes he wished he could talk to her, or even for her to open her eyes, just to see those doe brown curious orbs again, to see the eyes that held so much emotion and life in them. To see the woman he fell in love with again.

"Jannah was so happy to go this morning, we did the shopping with Talia and Simon, I didn't have a clue." He breathed out, his tone light, "Neither did they, both were no help."

He laughed to himself quietly, his laughter turning sour when he realised that he was raising Jannah by himself. "Hadiyeh you had promised we'd do this together, what now? What am I going to do without you? What if I fail?"

"Remember when I asked you this before going on stage at Leeds? You know what you said to me?" He pondered pointlessly a small part of him hoping the answer would come out of her mouth. 

"You said you won't answer my question, you said the answer's in the love and effort I put into it," His eyes were going blurry, his unshed tears building, "Jannah will be fine, won't she? She's been talking about you a lot recently."

He rambled pointlessly about his day and how much he missed her, hoping that by the time he picks up Jannah she'll be awake, ready to listen to her talk about her first day at kindergarten.

He pressed a kiss to her pale hand, her almond-shaped nails were still the same from fashion month, maybe being the only trait of her that hasn't changed, the bruises and cuts had faded and they had even taken off the cast on her arm, she had lost her scent, the comforting vanilla and soap had been replaced by the smell of bleach and disinfectant. 

"I wish you'd wake up and tell me off for feeding Jannah chocolate chip pancakes every other morning and scold me for not putting enough fruit in her lunchbox, laugh at my inability to fold clothes, poking fun at the fact that I've become such a stay at home mom, Nas came round a few days ago and taught me how to braid Jannah's hair, I can't wait for you to wake up and try to compete with me telling me how I'm doing it wrong." 

"I love you, Hadiyeh Ezra and I wish you'd wake up." He whispered.

FLASHBACK: Tour

"I swear to God Mams, if anything happens to him on tour, I'm going to kill you," Hadiyeh warned as they were all sitting around the dining table, JJ had gone to put Jannah to bed leaving Hadiyeh and JJ's management and tour team alone. 

"The way you talk would make people think that you wear the pants in the relationship," Randolph laughed, as the table agreed all laughing. Hadiyeh clenched her jaw in frustration. 

"Well dingbat, are you blind or something?" Hadiyeh leaned back on the chair, putting her knife and fork down picking up her drink, "Because I'm wearing a dress."

"It's an expression Hads," Troy laughed, rolling his eyes.

"Roll your eyes any further and you might just be able to find a brain in that empty head of yours." She said in reply, sipping on her drink as the table fell silent. The tension was suddenly heavier than it should be. Hadiyeh was leaving for Dubai in the next few days whilst JJ was on tour and a sense of protectiveness had clouded her scenes, it wasn't unusual for her to become protective, she balmed her inner dom. 

"Hads, don't worry, he'll be fine, we'll have security on his back everywhere he goes."

"Good." 

The conversation ended when JJ stepped back into the room, greeting Hadiyeh with a kiss as the boys all teased him about how smitten he was around her. 

"Champagne? It's the beginning of the international tour, we deserve a few toasts," JJ motioned for the chef to bring out the bottles of alcohol that they kept in the house.

They had begun drinking and things had gotten a bit out of hand. Especially JJ. He was a lightweight so after his third glass, he had begun to sway and had thought that teasing Haidyeh would be a smart thing to do. His hand moved from her knee up to her thigh, and each time Hadiyeh would take his hand put it back in his lap just for him to move it back onto her thigh. 

"Watch it." She whispered holding her glass harder than she should have. 

"Or what?" 

She left his question unanswered. 

As soon as the rest of the boys left their house, all bidding Hadiyeh and JJ goodbye, saying that they would see him tomorrow afternoon at the airport, his first show in Dublin. Although they doubted JJ would remember, seeing the state he was in right now.

"Hadiyeh Ezra, I need you, now." He murmured his face buried in the crook of her neck taking her hand and tracing it down his torso. 

"I could stand here and list all the things I could do to you, right here, right now, but sweetheart, when we do fuck, I'd want you to remember everything." She mused taking her hand back and leading him towards the bed.

"What if I take a cold shower and sober up."

"Not tonight, my love." She kissed his cheek. 

"Why?" He whined, pouting as he looked at her with puppy dog eyes. 

"I'm on my period, darling." She kissed him. 

"So you did all of this t me for nothing?" He motioned proudly at the tent in his pants as Haidyeh burst out laughing. 

"You've got your hands."

"Yeah, but you're more fun." He chuckled. 

"Go on, shower." She rolled her eyes playfully, pushing him towards the bathroom. 

When he came back his body dripping with cold droplets of water the white towel on his waist hung dangerously low. 

"You're going to have to stop, I'm not going to fuck you tonight." She mused throwing a pair of orange shorts and boxers at him. 

"I'm going to miss you." He chuckled taking the clothes putting them on.

"I doubt it, im sure you'll have lots of fun on the road, you'll forget about missing me." She said sitting at the vanity wiping off the makeup on her face.

"Don't say that." He said and suddenly it dawned to him that Hadiyeh no matter how strong she was, was still human. Her confidence was merely a coverup, "I love you."

"I love you more sweetheart." She chuckled, pressing a small kiss to his lips as he pulled her onto the bed, her body laying over his. His hand was tangled in her hair and hers wrapped around his shoulder and neck her hand tracing the outline of his back muscles, as his other hand drew patterns onto the curve of her waist. 

Written: 18/10/2021

published: 25/10/2021

(A/N: I had this in my draft and I'd forgotten to publish it so I edited it a bit and voila! I got some real heartbreak on the way xx)