A First Love to Die For

Chapter Thirty-Eight- Trust Your Gut

(Josie's POV)

I had hopped out of bed this morning without even needing a single hit of the snooze button.

For the last few days Hailey and I had met for a morning run and today I was ridiculously excited to share about how it went with Lincoln last night.

I could swear that my lips were still tingling. It was going to be hard to pull my head down from the clouds.

We had only been running for a few steps when she hit me with a rapid-fire round of Hailey style questioning. Every once in a while, Hailey got so excited that she forgot to wait for the answer. She would shoot out question after question, each one with more enthusiasm than the last.

She knew that I had left her place last night and gone over to see him. When I described our evening, she had squealed and hopped up and down like a god damned preteen. I loved her. But her excitement for me... for us... didn't help to calm down my heart flutters.

As we both hit our stride, I let myself enjoy the morning. I was aware that the time that I was getting with my friend was incredibly special. I wasn't quite ready for it to end.

With each day, it was becoming apparent that although I wanted this case over, I didn't actually want to leave Fenelon.

Our natural competitive natures made us excellent workout buddies because we tended to push one another. We were both sweaty messes when we made it back to the bottom of her driveway.  I watched as she climbed her front stoop, staying put until I saw her get inside.

As I ran back to my place, I felt my shoulders itch. I attributed it to the nerves for today. I wasn't sure where our interview with Harold was going to take us.

I slowed as I got closer to the brewery, walking in order to catch my breath. I used the time to think through what needed to be done and organized the next hour in my head. As I reached the door to my apartment stairs, a voice startled me out of my thoughts.  

I looked up to see Candy leaning against the side of the building. She looked as fresh as a fucking daisy, but I could sense her uncertainty. She cleared her throat. "Hey. Do you think that we could chat for a minute? I've been thinking a lot about what happened with Lincoln and would really like to talk to you."

I looked down at myself, knowing I was more of a wilted flower at the moment, but realized that how I looked didn't actually matter. She obviously was aware of my weaknesses. Lincoln and coffee.

She held out a to go cup. "They knew at the diner that you take it regular. Please Josie, I'll be quick, I promise."

I eyed her suspiciously, but she simply waited for me to take it and then walked over to the nearest sidewalk bench and sat, looking at me with her doe eyes.

I took a look at the whole situation as if from the outside. I owed this woman absolutely nothing. However, I had made a promise to myself that while I was back in Fenelon, I would work towards getting all the closure I needed. 

I was already doing that with Lincoln. I wondered if I could gain more of an understanding from talking to her. If I could rid myself of the hate that had festered for all of these years.

Plus, I wasn't the only one tormented by this. Now that I knew how Lincoln looked at it, could I somehow rid of us both of this turmoil?

There couldn't be any harm in hearing her out. Could there?

I walked over and sat down next to her, taking a sip and wondering what she could possibly say. She gave me a little smile. "Thank you. Everything that has come out in the last while, all the lost lives have made me really think about all the shitty things that I've done. I need to make amends."

She paused and I couldn't tell if she was gathering her thoughts or if she really felt that bad. Was she that emotional about all of this? Could this have been something that had impacted her too? Had all three of us suffered in our own way because of that one choice?

"Lincoln called me the other day. All this time, I hadn't known that he was that drunk. That he didn't remember it. I need you to know, that I always had the biggest crush on him. I was devastated when he ended things and started dating you. Then that night, it was like he finally saw me again, after so long. I thought he must have broken it off with you. I never would have slept with him if I had known."

She drank from her own coffee and out of habit, I silently did the same. I didn't know what she wanted from me here. I didn't really feel that there was anything for me to say, did she want forgiveness? Did she think any of this was okay?  "You couldn't have asked him? You couldn't tell how out of it he was?"

She shook her head, "I mean I knew he was drunk but blackout drunk? No. Look, while you were home I wanted to take the time to really apologize."

Her eyes met mine and I couldn't quite place her look. She didn't look sorry. That itch in my shoulders intensified and I felt the goosebumps rise on my skin. It became a full-blown panic when I tried to stand but couldn't.

"Are you okay, Josie? You don't look so hot."

I tried to respond but my voice wasn't working either. She gave me a terrifying little smile and then whispered in my ear, "I have been waiting a long time for this."

I felt the dread course through me and again tried to move but my body didn't feel like my own. Fuck, how had I been so stupid. My love for coffee aside, I should have known not to drink anything given to me by anyone else. Rookie god damned mistake.

It was broad daylight, there had to be someone around that could help me. I opened my mouth to scream, alarmed when yet again nothing came out. My eyes felt heavy and my limbs didn't feel like my own.

I tried to fight at the exhaustion hitting me as she put an arm under my shoulders and helped me stand up. I could hear her talking through the brain fog, "Oh hey Mildred. Yah, I'm not sure what's going on. She just got back from a run.... Maybe she pushed herself too hard. Come on Josie, Let's get you to the doctor."

I tried to open my mouth to tell Mildred not to go anywhere. To not believe anything this maniac said. But again, no sounds came out. I felt Candy's hand on my head pushing me into the back of her car. She must have been parked right behind the bench.

Her giddy laugh sounded in my ears as the car turned on with a rumble. "To think I was so worried you wouldn't be stupid enough to drink the coffee. I had a needle ready just in case but didn't need that."

Her shrill laugh sounded again, "I wasn't expecting it to hit you so hard. I guess that I put in way too much. I figured I only had so long and needed you compliant."

As hard as I tried to open my eyes to see where she was taking me, I couldn't. My thoughts felt disconnected, my brain a murky jumble. I felt myself slump into the back seat, unable to hold myself up.

I opened my mouth again, wanting to tell her what a monster she was. But the effort was too much.

Fear slithered up my spine as the exhaustion took hold. The sheer horror of Candy being the killer swirled around in my brain as I succumbed to the darkness.