A First Love to Die For

Chapter Thirty-Four- Choice

(Josie's POV)

I found myself at Hailey's without even registering how I had gotten here. I needed someone to share my conflicted emotions with, and I knew that she wouldn't sugar-coat a thing.

She greeted me at the door with a glass of wine. "I saw you drive up. Figured a surprise visit needed wine. I sent Gabriel downstairs."

I gratefully took the glass that she handed me, comforted that she knew me so well and followed her out onto the deck. I grimaced at the bowl of chips and half glass of beer that Gabriel had left in his sudden departure. "I'm sorry for interrupting."

She smiled sheepishly. "Don't worry about it. He'll survive. But, let me just drop this off to him." I sipped my wine, incredibly thankful for my friend.

She walked back in with a tea and gave me her "dish it all" look.

I sighed. "Lincoln told me that he wants to try again."

She shrugged. "What about that is surprising to you?"

I opened and closed my mouth, knowing that I looked fish-like. "All of it." I took out my messy bun and redid it, needing something to occupy myself. "I have been living my life under the impression that the man I knew... the man I loved never really existed. Now I'm back and I'm finding out that there was more to the story."

I took a big gulp of my wine, needing to get it all out. "He's making me second guess my resistance. Does it matter that he didn't remember cheating? Does it really change anything? Could I trust him again?"

I was asking rapid-fire questions and Hailey held up her hand to stop me. Then when I had stopped she silently sipped her tea, eyeing me over top of her mug. It was obvious that she was considering how to phrase whatever she was thinking. "Look, I don't really know how to say this but I keep thinking, what if we were talking about a woman here?"

She sliced her hand through the air. "Think about it, if he was that frigging out of it, could he have actually given his consent? It just doesn't feel right."

Again, she paused. "You are working under the understanding that he chose to sleep with Candy but what if he wasn't capable of making that choice? You and I both know, he had rejected her before and then he gets shit-faced and ends up in bed with her? Come on... Can we talk about this for a god damned minute? If that's the case, don't you think he is a victim here as much as you are?"

I still hadn't said anything. My mind was racing. I had thought this myself but had been worried that I was excusing him because I wanted so badly to give him another chance. The fact that Hailey's thinking was on the same track, helped to reassure me.

Holy shit. Could I move forward with him knowing this?

I hadn't realized that I had voiced my concerns out loud until Hailey responded. "I think you could."

She obviously had given this a great deal of thought. So, I waited for her to explain her thinking. "I don't think Lincoln would have ever put himself in a situation where he would betray you. If that's the way we are looking at it, he sure as shit would never put himself in that kind of position again."

My eyes were full of unshed tears as she continued, and I tried to hold them in. If I started crying now, I was worried I might not stop. "I've thought about how he was... how he acted after you left a lot in the last few days. Josie, I think you were both wronged here."

She reached out and put her hand on mine. "As your friend, I'm way more worried that you are going to miss out on a chance at a forever kind of love, than I am of him cheating again. I honestly don't think you can even look at your history like that. I simply can't believe he was a willing participant. What I do think is that you guys are getting a second chance and personally, I think you should embrace it."

She removed her hand and shrugged. "But that's just my opinion. Whatever you decide, however you feel, I will support you to the bitter end. Because, whatever choice you make, all I want is for you to be happy."

Our conversation left me with all kinds of questions but there was one thing that I was sure about: If I didn't at least try with Lincoln, I was certain that I would regret it for the rest of my life.