Hungry

~ thirteen~

Its been a week and everything was blank. You couldn't really remember much. Everything was numb. You felt like you just existed and that was it. You couldn't even cry anymore. Sanzu never left your side, making sure you ate and showered. You were to empty to even care. 

Ran was on a ventilator with more tubes and IV's then you could even imagine. He got shot in the abdomen which luckily avoided anything major. He lost a kidney and his appendix. He just was not waking up. The doctors couldn't explain it. You visited him everyday for majority of the day. You laid your head on the bed, held his hand, would watch his favorite anime's, play stupid videos of you guys laughing and joking around. Anything to make him wake up. 

Rin never made it out of surgery, the bullet going threw his chest, striking a major artery and causing him to bleed out. Sanzu never told you this but he died shortly before you had gotten there. Frankly, you did not want to know. Mikey had gotten Rin cremated, knowing that you would not of known what to do and also not wanting to cause a stir.

Days turned to weeks but to you everything was just all joined together. You never knew what time or day it was, never really caring to. Mikey let Sanzu stay with you while Bonten continued business to make sure Rin's passing was kept low key. Mikey every now and then checked up on you while Sanzu left the room to get food or to shower. Keeping conversation short and sweet. A gesture you appreciated. 

Sanzu had gotten your favorite take-out and let you watch Attack on Titan: Junior High for the billionth time simply because it brought you some sort of happiness. You had chuckled and Sanzu shot a look over at you. He saw a smile. An actual smile. He kissed your forehead and you looked over at him. You had so much to say, but you honestly had no idea where to start. Your mind was in 20 places and never in a head space long enough to gather words. He lifted his hand a rubbed his thumb on your cheek. It felt warm and comforting. A feeling you haven't felt since that day. You let your head slightly fall into his hand and closed your eyes. Just wanting to feel this for a little while longer before having to go back to the nothing your life felt like. 

"Im proud of you Y/N" Sanzu whispered threw a smile. 

"Why did you leave me?" you shot back not opening your eyes. Not wanting to see his reaction. Not even sure if you wanted to know the answer, but the words just came out quicker then your mind could process. 

"Princess, I didn't want to. I never wanted to. I just needed to make sure you were safe. The only way for me to do that was to leave for a bit." he sighed. 

"You never called or texted. Nothing it was like I was nothing." you said chocking back the bubble in your throat. 

"Baby, I needed to not be on your brothers bad side." Sanzu said then getting quite realizing he brought them up.

You picked your head up and opened your eyes while tears escaped them. Hearing that word felt like a dagger into your heart. Brothers was always a comforting word now just cold. 

"Well ones dead and the other one is just here. You haven't left my side since. What do you think they would say now." you replied so emotionless.

 Sanzu just looked at you shocked. Speechless he just stared at you, trying to find the words to say to you, but he couldn't find any.

"Im sorry. Thank you for everything." you said looking back to the TV. 

"Im doing what they would of wanted Y/N. They wouldn't want you to be alone. Crying never leaving your bed. I promised Ran in the car ride here that I would protect you at whatever cost." Sanzu said as he softly touched your chin with his pointer finger turning your face back to him. He could see tears in your eyes as you tried to not let them fall.

"What." was all you managed to mutter out back.

"Ran told me to watch over you if anything happened. I told him I would protect you in this life and the next. He smiled and said, just tell her you love her already and smiled." Sanzu said with tears fighting to leave his eyes. 

You never saw him this way ever. You have never seen tears come from this mans eyes. It made you feel sorry. He lost one of his bestfriends and another one breathing through a tube plugged into the wall. All he wanted was to help you through this shit regardless of his feelings. What Ran said to him made your eyes widen. Sanzu chuckled 

"I love you Princess, I know I have the absolute worst way of showing it but I do. Ever since your 21st birthday." he muttered with a smirk as he kissed you on the forehead. 

You were speechless. Was he saying this out of pity? Was he saying this because you were the closest thing he had to your brothers left? If he truly loved me then why not show it? Why bring other whores around? Why couldn't he just tell me he loved me? 

You just looked at him with all these questions running across your mind. Now look at the one whos speechless. 

Just as you were about to comment, Kakucho comes running in swinging the door open.

"Ran's awake." was all you heard come out of his mouth. Sanzu looked back at him then back at you just frozen in you bed, food in your lap. Everything blank. Sanzu tossed the food off your lap and picked you up bridal style. Running downstairs, he put you down right outside the room as you starred at him completely blank. 

"Princess, look at me. We are going to go in and see him. You need to snap out of it ok. This is real. Look at me." Sanzu said grabbing your face forcing you to look at him. Was this real? Was this a dream? You didn't even know how to feel or how to react. He took your hand as you were trying to process what was happening and you squeezed his hand and he returned a squeeze. As you started to walk you could feel your heartbeat in your ears. Your body was hot but yet cold. Every emotion you haven't felt came rushing back. As you turned the corner, you look up and your eyes met Ran's.

"Hey kid." Ran said softly with a small smile.