Hungry

~nineteen~

You woke up feeling oddly excited. You were ready to do this mission and get revenge. You were ready for whatever was going to be thrown your way, you where ready to prove yourself. Prove that you were not just Rin and Rans little sister. That you could handle yourself and doing what needed to be done.

The boys were gone for majority of the day and so was Lana. You spent the whole day cleaning, cleaning, and more cleaning. Maybe it was a way to keep yourself busy and away from your own mental. It worked, you cleaned the entire apartment and especially your room. Until the wind got knocked out of you, that entirely familiar feeling coming back to you. The room felt like it was closing in on you. The air was getting taken out of your lungs and not enough was filling back in, your breathes were short and painful. Your whole body felt like it was on fire but freezing at the same time.

Panic, you were panicking. As you fully took out the charm from the back of your nightstand, holding it like it was the most fragile thing in this world. You just stared at it, feeling so lost and empty. This was entirely not what you needed today, or at all for that matter.

The charm that you got as a gift that you stuck in your nightstand 2 years ago, the charm that Rin got you when him and Ran went on a mission for a week. The charm that you cherished because Rin would always get you little things every time they went away. It still doesn't feel real that he is gone. Never coming home. Forever just a memory that you must continue seeing in memories and never to be real again.

The tears that were threatened to leave your eyes, fully flowing warmly down your checks onto your thighs. As the sobs took over your body and lungs, you slowly curled up into a ball on the floor holding the charm closely to your chest where your heart rapidly beat trying to keep up with your emotions. Beating so hard it could be felt all over your body.

You laid there until you were numb. Until you felt nothing, letting the tears take every single feeling from you until you were just a shell.

You got up, placing the charm on the nightstand. Wiping the remaining bit of tears from your face as you headed towards the bathroom.

You looked in the mirror, looking at the person that was looking back.

"Fucking pathetic" you muttered as you continued to stare, taking in the person that was reflecting.

You looked over to the medicine cabinet that was above the toilet. You knew Sanzu keep stashes everywhere. As you rummaged through the cabinet, items fell to the floor around you from the cabinet.

"Found you" you giggled to yourself, reaching the little bottle hidden all the way in the back behind your old medication.

You starred at the bottle for what felt like years.