Me and my Bullying.

Love thoughts :D

I'm just going to put out some thoughts of mine and they are all somewhat related to love. 

Lately I have been thinking about love. And what it means to love somebody. I have friends that i love more than anything. But nobody besides family that i love and loves me back the same way. i am always talking to my guy friends and i love them. some more than others but they are all equally amazing. 

What is love?  

Love i believe is when you feel a connection between somebody that you can't explian. And you are closer then best friends. even closer then Mega best friends. Love is when you think of that person 24/7 nonstop. If you are thinking of somebody in your head right now, you love that person. I know who i'm thinking of. He's like one of my best friends. 

Dating?

I have a boyfriend. I don't love him. i love someone else. And i'm stuck. I like my boyfriend a whole loy he's sweet. kind, and always there for me when i need a hug. we treat each other like we are best friends. but i just like him. When i see him at school i barely feel anything towards him. There is no connection. No love. Not even love as friends (maybe a little). Nothing.

Loving someone you can't have..

The guy i love has a girlfriend. Sometimes i think about it and i get hurt. But then i realize that he would never love me back. We will never become anything more then friends. but now that i'm thinking about it I can't even see me and him becoming more then friends. It would be weird. Plain Weird.

Love is a big word

i know some of you reading this are probably thinking " She can't love somebody. She's only 13! She does't know what real love is." And i don't. But that;s the crazy thing about love. you can fall in love no matter what age you are. And it doesn't matter if you don't know what "real" love is. you can figure it out on the way.I'm not ready to love. I know i love people but love is a big word. It's a big deal. It's hard for me personally to love others. I have gotten pushed away from my mom so many times that every time she says she loves me i nod or say okay. 

When i do love it will be hard to make that big of a commitment. And i know i'm going to hurt from somebody i loved. That will be hard as well, Love is a big word. I want to love but i don't know how. I'm just messed up. People will say they love me and then stab me in the back. Some people will say they love me just like it's saying hello. I'm fine with thaat. But if you tell me you love me, I want you to mean it. I'm tired of getting let down. And i won't let it happen again.

Loving Myself

I don't. It's hard to love myself. I have so many flaws that i don't see anything good about me,Somebody told me today that i was perfect and amazing and a one and only.He said that as long as he had me he would be happy. I don't believe him. He means half the world to me. But how he looks at me in his eyes is not the same of how i see myself i my eyes.Does that make since? I look at myself and i think Fat, ugly. those are too things i have been called since 3rd grade and i still am called fat and ugly today. I know my face isn't clear and that i'm not the skinnest person in this world. But i want all that. i an to be pretty and beautiful. I don't want to be cute either. Cute is like my teddy bear, That's cute, I also want to be skinny. i'm tired of looking in the mirror and seeing my stomach. I want a flat tummy! i want to be perfect, To bad nobody is..

Demi Lovato

She is my idol right now. Along with One Direction and Taylor Swift. demi has been through tons. And Skyscraper (By demi) is my new favourite song. I try to listen to it everyday. it gives me strength. I really listen and inderstand the lyrics, My windows have been broken but i'm still standing on my feet. I'm not going to let anyone break me in to pieces and then walk all over me. 

Every time somebody doesn't like me i will use the reason why aginst them. I'm to weird. I'm going to be bringing on my extra weirdess. I'm to happy. Just wait for the smile in your face tomorrow. I'm stupid. Watch me ace this test. I'm a hoe. You have had more boyfrieds then me. I have a bad attitude. You haven't even seen me at my worst.You think i'm stupidly smart. I'm smartly crying on the inside. 

Please stop this bullying and just be happy with who you are. Do something good in the world. Feed the homeless. Help the kid that droped all of their pappers on the ground. We don't need anymore evil in the world. We have enough of that. Bring some good in this awful world. And help me put a stop to bullying.

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I just want to say Tanks so much!! I can not thank you enough. You are secial and i love you. i mean that. Don't feel like you are not loved because even some freaky freak (me) loves you. i love all of your imperfections. Every single one of them. You are the oe and only and nobody can be like you so that's why they bully. They want to be you. They are jelaous. they practically look up to you.

Love ya!

- Shoona :D