Me and my Bullying.

Why is this happening to me??

Today (1-20-13), I was just minding my own business when I got a whole bunch of text messages from unknown numbers. I of course asked them who they were and one said Salad Fingers (it's a thing on YouTube. look it up) and the other said they were my worst nightmare.

I guess I'm partly to blame for this because I was texting my ex friend telling her that I wanted her to be nice to me even though we don't like each other then she was calling me him and hunnie and I wanted to get it in her head that I'm not her hunnie And never will be and that she needs to back off.

I'm guessing she told the two friends (who's names I do not know) and they tested me telling me to leave her alone and to stop texting my ex friend. then they said that they never liked me from the beginning and that they have always wanted to fight me. They also said I was a bitch.

And it I'm being honest I got a little scared of the salad fingers character because a couple week earlier I got prank calls from a restricted number saying they were salad fingers. I just brushed it off thinking it was my cousin or sister but when I called them they said it wasn't them. I thought they were lying but now I know they weren't.

They said I needed Jesus and that they would pray for me.They told me that if I continued to talk to their friend that I had another thing coming. I'm guessing they want to fight me. I'm not surprised. everyone wants to fight me. I'm used to it by now.. they said they didn't like me because I do to much,I start stuff,and all of their friends wanted to fight me but I said we could talk.

The worst nightmare person said that if I messed with my ex friend again I won't like what happens. I was like what are you talking about?! I said (this is word for word) I'm not even messing with her.I didn't do anything wrong. I'm not a bad person. I would never want to hurt anyone's feelings or anything! please leave me alone!!

On Tuesday me and my ex friend are going to talk face to face because she's tired of me texting her and messaging her on Facebook. so I agreed and I don't really have a good feeling about it. I don't want to get mad at her. Especially her because I used to care about her. And I don't want her to be mean to me anymore. I want her to be nice.

we don't even have to talk. Just a simple hello would be nice. But no more of her friends texting me and making fun of me and bullying me. It makes her sound like the queen bee. I honestly have no idea what to do anymore. I feel like cutting. I am talking to Joseph and he's telling me everything's all good but it's not. And I'm trying to stay strong but I can't. I can't handle any if this anymore.

I want to find a way to stop bullying. I'm tired of hearing on the news that some kids go to school with a gun and kill the bullies that bullied them and then themselves. it's not fair!! I'm tired of getting bullied everyday at school and I don't want other kids to be afraid to go to school like me just because you never know if you might get jumped or something like that

This world is messed up. And I want to feel safe. I don't like getting judged because of what I look like . or why I am the way I am. I'm not happy with myself. And I tell some people that. so why just to make yourself better you have to bully somebody who is already get bullied from herself.

I put myself down so many times a day. Saying I'm not ggood enough or I can't do this, I'm going to fail this test so what's the point of practicing my flute or studying.

I look in the mirror everyday and I hate what I look at. I dont like what I look like one but. And I am trying to change what I look like by wearing make up. But I realized that if people including myself don't like who I am and what I look like then that's there problem. as long as I feel beautiful or pretty I am. And from now on I'm going to live by that and you should too. (:

I updated the last part to this story so you may want to read it. it explains who Joseph is. Thanks for reading! (: Vote, comment! do your thing!!! I love you so much