Recently I have been very depressed. And i havent been handling it well.
The first time i cut was March 18,2013 at night. I was depressed, overwhelmed, annoyed, frustrated, And overall just completely done with everythiing!
After that it became a normal thing. A ritual if you will. I did it once stopped did it again waited 4 days did it again and so on. My cuts are tiny. Like they are this big: __ And they are fading tooo,. So thats good. (:
I havent cut in 3 days. And i feel awful. But my friends are helping me and supporting me. My friend introduced me to the Butterfly Project and i just started today (March 30,2013) . For those of yu who dont know what the Butterfly Project is it is When you draw a butterfly on you somewhere and name it after somebody you care about or somebody you know that cuts or a fictional character. And you cant wash it off or cut or else the butterfly dies. The person you named it after dies,
I named my butterfly Dory from finding nemo.
The truth is The person i would have named it after is dead. I dont want to kill him twice so I chose Dory because she is my favourite character. Honestly, I dont think i will last very long with the butterfly project. Maybe a couple weeks if im lucky. But i think once its gone i wont draaw anther butterfly i will forget about it. And then i will cut. Again.
I do want to stop but at the same time thats the only way i know how to cope. Either cutting or holding everything in. And thats not any better. I have said before that i hold grudes. And that no lie. I have 10 years of grudges toward my mom and i have never told anyone about them. Nobody knows what my mom has done to me because i wont tell. Its not like im protecting my mom but its just that it would cause too much pain.
For all of you i will Try my hardest to not cut. I will do the butterfly project for as long as i think i need it.
If i cut then im sorry and you can send me hate if you want idc, Im getting better. Slowly. But at least im getting better. thank you for always reading and giving me feedback. I love you guys <3
Bye Beautifuls
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