delusion • diluc

xxiv

• y/n's pov •

I couldn't tell at this point whether I was being selfish or selfless.

I was only lying for his own sake. I didn't want him to get involved with the Fatui. With my own business. Especially with his history with the Fatui.

Then again I was only lying so that I didn't have to deal with Diluc getting involved too. And I didn't want him to worry about me, however hypocritical that sounded.

If they're going to kill me then they can fucking try it. I didn't need Diluc to try and stop it.

Diluc didn't need to know anything. It was none of his business. It was none of his business and he didn't fucking understand.

Okay, maybe he wanted to protect me, to keep me safe, but how does he know that's what I want? Mom left me in Mondstadt to protect me. Fate was going to catch up to me either way.

Whether he tries to protect me or not unless I deal with them myself they're always going to come back. I didn't want to put Mondstadt in constant danger like that.

He just sees me as weak.

I kicked my claymore onto the wooden floor below me. It clanged to the ground.

He can try to make me feel better all he likes but in the end he doesn't trust me to do anything by myself.

I slumped onto my dusty bed, clutching my bow in my arms.

It took me a while to realise the streams of tears that ran down the sides of my face as I stared at the blank ceiling.

A soft sob escaped me.

I never expected to have a fight with him so soon...

Why am I so pathetic?

I ran my hand around my neck, gently pressing against the bruises he'd left an hour or two ago.

A bittersweet smile spread across my lips.

Imagine you fucking die and the first thing your daughter does is decide to let a man fuck her.

Diluc didn't even know that my mother was fucking dead yet.

Did he need to know? No. In fact I didn't want to tell him anything anymore.

Petty. I was petty. And a fucking child. I hadn't grown up at all since I was dumped here.

Tears continued to slip out of my eyes. Slowly I reached for my pocket, rummaging around until my hand wrapped tightly around the precious orb inside.

I held it above my head, staring at it, my vision blurry with tears as my hands shook, shaking as I cried softly.

"Mom..." I whispered. Suddenly my heart felt overwhelmed in emotion. It was as if that feeling of loneliness was finally eating me up, shrouding my existence like a cloud to the moon. "I know you wanted to keep me safe... But you might as well have just left me In Snezhnaya to die if this was going to happen anyway..."

"Maybe we could've died together... You didn't have to keep me in the dark, you know..."

"It's not as if I were desperate to become a Fatui. All I wanted was to become stronger. To prove them wrong. That I was strong and didn't need protecting all of the time..."

"...yet all I can do right now is just sit here pathetically and wait for death..."

"I wonder when they'll come and find me, Mom. Maybe then we can be together. I wouldn't have to suffer like this anymore."