You Belong With Me

Chapter 49 // Deja Vu

Hey, it's been a while! I finally finished rewriting this chapter and I'm excited to get it out to you guys! The other chapters may take a little bit since I've decided to rewrite the next three, but I'm hoping not nearly as long as this one, now that I've finished my Biology course. After rereading them months from their written dates, I couldn't help but feel they were immature compared to the level I'd like my writing to be at. I hope you enjoy this chapter and the ones to come! Thanks for reading <3
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I cringed as the sound of the front door closing was heard from my spot in the living room.

I knew the time would come where I'd have to tell my parents what had happened, but I wasn't ready for it to be so soon and so fresh in my mind.

It didn't help that I couldn't even find Logan anywhere today, leaving me with nothing to go off of except my own spiraling thoughts.

My pencil moved faster as I heard my mom's footsteps approach, preoccupying myself with math to prompt her to leave me be.

"So...what happened?" my mom asked, sitting on the chair next to mine. I could hear the forwardness in her voice increasing my nerves further.

"Uh, actually now's not a good time, Mom. I got a ton of Precalculus homework to do for tomorrow and some...English..." I trailed off, catching her glaring eye.

She reached out, placing her hand on my notebook and sliding it to the other end of the table, holding my gaze with that unwavering scowl the entire time.

"Talk," was all she said, as I realized there was no escaping this.

I thought for a minute to formulate some sort of explanation, but the thought of it all just caused a lump in my throat, preventing me from saying a word while my sight began to blur.

"Harper...talk to me."

Her voice was suddenly soft, scooting her chair closer to put her hand on my forearm just as tears began to spill from my eyes.

"I did it again, Mom. I lost another person all over again. Just like that! I - I just can't seem to keep anyone close...I don't get it," I cried out between sobs, unraveling completely as my hand came up to cover the side of my face on instinct.

"What-" was all I heard of my sister's voice before I felt my mom shake once against me, cutting her off with a quick motion of her arm to leave.

"What do I do, Mom. I messed everything up...he wasn't even at school today."

I wiped at my eyes, starting to calm down, as my initial breakdown faded into hopelessness, unable to look my mom in the eyes.

"...Logan?"

I just nodded in response, keeping my eyes on the table in front of us.

I couldn't even begin to imagine what she was all thinking, now that she knew I had done it again, memories of losing Madison flashing in my own mind, causing more tears to spill.

"First of all, you can keep people close because you're an amazing girl to be around. Avery adores you, that's for sure, and Dad and I are always here to support you. So get those negative ideas about yourself out of your head, alright?" she finished sternly, pausing for the slow nod of my head before that softness reentered her voice.

"Have you talked to him since? Maybe things didn't play out quite like you think they did, and I think you know there's more than one possible reason for someone to miss a day of school."

I took a long breath in, hearing her words but also knowing that she didn't fully understand.

"Even if things don't work out, you still have us, and you'll make other friends. But Logan's a reasonable boy. Just try talking to him when you get the chance."

—-

I forced myself to grab the open box of Honey Nut Cheerios still on the counter beside my mouth-stuffing little sister, milk dripping from her spoon and lips.

The nightmare from last night still plagued my mind, that same retreating figure as two nights ago, except with more words said - much more hurtful words, which was the reason for my late start to the morning.

"Can you eat like a normal person, please," I complained with a look of disgust at her carelessness.

"I'm going to be late if I eat any slower!" she muffled out between bites of cereal, my face twisting into one of confusion.

"You're going to be late? Crap!" As soon as my eye caught the time on the oven, I was scrambling for my backpack in a full-out panic.

I ran straight out the door, the yellow of the bus immediately catching my eye, already halfway down the road before I had even got down the front steps.

"Wait!" I cried, still running towards the now far away bus, waving my hands, as if it would help anything.

My steps slowed as I reached the middle of the street, the heavy backpack strapped onto me giving one last heave into my back, before I was left standing in numbing despondency.

This was it. This was my final day of high school and I was going to spend it tirelessly running to school, only to be miserable throughout my classes, my only moment of moderate peace being lunch with Alex, before being alone once again. I did it to myself - to him.

"Hey, do you need a ride?"