The Unpublished Poems

~you'll see~

I'm so sick of all these voices in my head
Drowning each other out
Making my head spin
Time and time again
Heart pounding
Feelings flashing
Can't make sense of it all
I'm just exhausted
I don't even have the energy to say how I feel
So many triggers
Flooding thoughts
Not better
Worse?
Hard to say
Don't take my heart....
Why do I do what I do?
Why do I feel invisible even to me?
Screw normalcy,
Nothing feels right
I'm so tired...
Life has a way of breaking you down
I just hoped it wouldn't be so soon...
I can't make heads or tails of this mess...
Beyond caring?
I don't know
It's just about survival survival
Except when the one you're running from is you
Can't escape yourself
Got to live with yourself
...God knows I've tried
But I can't find a flicker of hope that lasts
Simply falling into the same old place
Walking down the same hallways
Seeing the same faces
But never me
Thinking isn't believing
I don't want to dare to hope
I don't want to be disappointed again
I can't care because I don't want to get hurt
I just...
I have no more words to say, don't know what to do now
Don't wanna close my eyes just yet
I'll have to open them again
Do it all over
It might be better
But it might be worse
And I don't want to face that risk...
Look deep down, but I doubt many will
Good I don't want to set aside this heavy weight
I wouldn't know how to stand without it pressing down on me
Stealing years from this life
Staring into the distance
Always longing for something
I never seemed to find it
I don't think I have yet
I thought I had
Yeah, but it fell of of reach
Then my heart pounded on,
Reminding me of a new worry to turn to-
Can barely remember last week, honestly,
But I remember a lot I wish I could forget
That's just the way it goes
This is my life
Don't pity me
Don't give me something fake
I'll see through your lies
Why?
We're living inside one
And no one bats an eye
Since I was young I kept my mouth shut
Afraid to speak
Afraid of the shadows
My soul knew me,
Even if no one else did
Secrets and mistakes
Why can't I just let go?
Keep these thoughts out of my mind please
Don't wanna go there
I swear I'm trying to be strong
But the inside is crumbling
And at times I feel so weak...
So broken down
Don't even know how I've made it here...
Silent and tired
The shadows know me
But they taught me well
Just watch
You'll see what I mean
You'll see