Finding Melody

23: The Book Pt.1

"Vi always tells me if someone hurts you then they shouldn't be in your life anymore", Dallas said, as he turned to face me in my bed. I had gotten used to the idea of him sleeping next to me, I had gotten used to him just being there.

After we had really searched for 'the book', we had come to a dead end and he accepted defeat of never finding it, besides I had only told him a handful of the books I had read. And they were all my favorites and he had checked that section all ready.

It was late by that time, nearing 4am. And so I told him he could sleep here, I had hoped he would. He made me feel safer, secure that he would still be there in the morning.

But here we were now, I didn't want to tell him the words Zeke had said to me earlier, even though they were burned in my head. I couldn't shake them, I couldn't scare them away, so for tonight he would be here, next to me, as his legs lightly brushed against mine, or my hand would fly close to his and I would apologize as I tossed and turned.

"Can't you forgive people?" I asked him, and he shrugged his shoulders.

"I think it depends on how much you love them", he answered truthfully, I wanted to ask if he would ever forgive his mom.

"Would you forgive your mom?" He turned towards me fiddling with the comforter that covered him.

"I think there's an extent of how much one person can say and do, and then you can't forgive them after", I could tell his mother's actions were reflected in his serious but sorrowful tone. He was mortified by it, mortified by the pain and sadness of it all.

"And to what extent is that?" I wanted to pry, I wanted to know for my sake. I didn't want to think about Zeke right now, but the world left me no choice. Dallas had the answers to my questions.

"With my mom, I knew that she didn't even know she was doing anything wrong, that's reason enough to never forgive someone", he said, and he was right. Zeke didn't even know he had spoken to me wrongfully.

"All I can say is that you deserve someone that makes you feel like you're flying, like you're the light in their never-ending navy blue sky", he smiled, quoting the line perfectly. I knew I didn't feel that with Zeke, just as he spoke it.

Dallas made me feel like I was flying, he made me feel like I was the light in his navy blue sky. I wish it was that easy, his lips were right there, I could just lean in and see if he made the next move.

"It's someone who's there, always there for you", he said, looking up at me with a smile on his face, his hand lightly brushing against mine, but I ignored it, still focused on his hazel eyes.

"I know, this is all confusing, but... if he isn't treating you right it's time to end it, and if he's giving you any trouble, I'll deal with it myself", he told me, what he had feared. He was offering his undying support, all I had to do was tell him about it. All I had to do was scribble it down on a piece of paper and then he would take care of it. How was I supposed to handle this? How?

I couldn't let him deal with it, his option was to fight him, and to scare him to never come around me, I knew Dallas could scare him. Dallas regularly scared him.

If I had to do this myself, I would find a way. I had to. There was no choice. He was my nightmare, Dallas was already dealing with too much.

"He doesn't give me trouble", I told Dallas and he shook his head in annoyance, he already knew, he knew that wasn't true.

"You don't have to lie to me", he said, with sincerity and annoyance. I didn't at first know why he cared so much, why he cared at all, I still didn't know.