Finding Melody

49: Heartbreak Avenue

"I love you". I screamed to him, standing on that same staircase I had fallen in love on, standing where I had been star stricken, totally distraught, completely confused, overwhelmed.

"I love you". The same words that meant so much, that meant the world to us both, all we wanted was to be loved, all we wanted was to find each other in this. I found love in him, so heartbreaking, tragic love laced in pain and serotonin.

"I love you". I said it over again, the pain, the thrill, the shock that I had said that out loud to him. That look on his face told me a tale I didn't know well, unrequited love, he was shocked, pained, it was almost like he had been burned before I had told him.

I hated that look on his face as he looked at me once more before running down the stairs, his look of pity seeing me leave with tears in my eyes. Humiliation. That's all I could think about as I crouched in Davina's car, the forest coming to the end.

He had called me to his room, not because he wanted us to talk, but because he wanted me and he didn't care about what happened after. But I had ruined that, by blurting my love confession to him. I ruined any chances of me seeing him again, like the way he used to look at me.

He used to look at me with this dazed look in his eyes, like I had the answers to his questions, his sought after questions.

I looked back as we cleared from the forest, tears welled down my face.

"Are you okay?" She asked, whispering over so that the wind cut her off slightly, but I heard the words triggering the well of tears that would soon open. I pinched myself, hoping it would hold back the tears, but it didn't.

"He kept asking me upstairs if I loved Zeke. And again he asked if I loved Zeke and then when I told him I loved him, he looked at me like it couldn't be possible". I muttered out in the midst of my tears as Davina looked at me scarcely. How had I been so stupid? How had I been so blind to how he felt? I had caused myself more panic, more fear.

"I don't think he loves me like I love him". I whimpered out, breaking the barrier of me and my tears, the oh so thinly made barrier.

"He doesn't deserve you. Okay you're too good for him. And he can burn in hell". She said so significantly as if the guy she liked wasn't his best friend that we were talking about, she didn't mind and she said it confidently. She tried to stop my crying but his burning brought me back to that night, him asking if I would miss him. And my answer, being sure enough, filled with every prickly emotion I had in me, forming the only answer I knew: yes.

I kept crying, my eyes releasing buckets as we drove somewhere, somewhere far away, so far I felt myself slipping into the sound of the highway pounding into the bottom of us.

"Where are we going?" I muttered out later, my eyes puffy from my breakdown, my breakdown of feelings that had been growing all this time, every moment we spent together. They replayed in my mind like literal torture as I grabbed for my knees pulling them up. It was torture being reminded of him, but everything did, this whole town did.

"We are driving to the beach. I checked it with your family and they said it's fine, I didn't say anything about Dallas or the party assuming they don't know". She asked and I nodded my head. I don't think any sane parent would allow someone to sneak into their child's bedroom at night. This whole town reminded me of Dallas, everything about him, every corner we turned, even my own bedroom did. Maybe I needed to go somewhere we had never been, where nothing could make me think of him, but I might as well just go stare at a white wall, everything reminded me of him.