Finding Melody

47: Apologies

Sleep. I stared at him sleeping, his lips pressed together, his smile faltered to the side, his hands hung over the side of his chair. Exhaustion was lined throughout his face like never before. He was tired, the word itself didn't even cover it. Tired was underestimating just how exhausted he actually was.

I watched him sleep, simply moving as he stirred in the most uncomfortable chair this whole hospital had. I was proud of him, like this weird proud motherly figure, his accomplishments were dangled on my sleeves, and I wore them happily. He slept his hangover off, and spent yesterday with his father. I had hoped Vi had woken up, but she hadn't, she hadn't opened her eyes and that's what scared me.

I needed for everyone's sake, especially Dallas's, for her to open her eyes. I turned between the two sleeping patients, Dallas and Vi, my eyes bouncing back to each other as Dallas stirred slightly.

Pete had left when I had arrived, he was waiting for someone to come, so he could go for his medicine, I realized the Grant family had a way of dealing with their issues. Pete dealt with it through space and self-care, while Dallas dealt with it through numbing himself . I knew everyone had their own coping mechanisms, and sometimes they worked whether they were healthy or unhealthy mechanisms.

I knew Dallas had to get some new ones, he needed to work on staying away from the bottle, and I hoped he had a break in his life. I knew he couldn't avoid travesties, but I begged that he would at least get a breather between them all.

"I didn't expect you to be here". His voice, the morning voice I had recognized so well enlightened me as I turned to face him. He signaled me over as I sunk into the chair next to him, his head finding its way against my shoulder.

I closed my mouth harshly, about to say something harsh, that would only hurt him more than it would heal him.

"I told you, I'll always be here". I said, following through with my promises, the promises I made that I would never break. He smiled, listening to my words.

"I think I've broken some promises I made to you". He shyly spoke and I could hear the regret, the embarrassment in his voice, but he was owning up to it. Owning up to his mistakes was as real as he could be. He didn't shy away from them, he could've never said anything about them, hiked it up to a drunken mistake and never mentioned it again.

"I'm so sorry". He said, this time his hand grabbing mine, his words weaved into my heart, his eyes cascading mini hearts floating to my big one, beating for him. I knew I wasn't the only one that deserved an apology.

"I have more apologies to give out, but I wanted you to know first... that I was sorry". He said, smoothly tugging his emotions on a string for me to see, and for me to analyze. He was so scared the night before, when Vi had been rushed off to surgery, he had been so alive like it was a sobering moment for him. And I think that's what scared him.

"I promise I won't drink... I know my promise means nothing. But I'll show you that it does, I'll show you that you can trust me". His words made my heart turn to putty, listening as he held back his tears, his eyes veering away from me, just to find mine at the last moment. He looked real, real and ready to feel everything coursing through his veins.

"I know it'll take time". He said, looking at me like had made no progress, but I believed in him so much he had earned my trust back, he had shown it to me through his words. His now trusted words and his feelings are vulnerably free.

I had always been choked up by him, his words amazed me, he as a person amazed me.

"Your promise means everything". I told him as he smiled, holding my hand tightly, I had seen him, his tears, his crushed expressions, his feeling all pulled on a line out for me to see.