Finding Melody

45: Promise

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry". How many times can someone say sorry for someone to really forgive them? How many times was just enough? How many times is too much that they make you never want to look at them again, because of that reminder? How many times till I know they mean they're sorry.

"There's nothing more we can do". The dreadful words fell from the doctors mouth as I looked over at Pete, shuddering in the fear that came from this. My hand gripped Vi's as she laid there lifeless, pale and her radiant smile gone. Pete was a mess, he had been for a couple of days now, he was losing his mind and I was afraid remembering what Dallas had said about his father. I didn't want him to take more than he could manage.

"There has to be something". He argued, his eyes not veering away from the doctor. I knew it hurt him to look at Vi, when she was like this, when she looked like she had no life in her. He avoided looking at her, keeping his eyes always on something else, always focused so that he never thought about anything else. This was a parent's worst nightmare, watching their child die and not being able to do anything about it.

"I'm afraid the only thing we can do is make her comfortable". The doctor echoed, and it seemed like death had been placed in her hands for Vi. Like those words summoned it all.

Pain was forced into the room, Vi's cold hand held in mine, but it felt like I was holding a ghost, she could never get warm.

"I'll be back". Pete said, stepping out of the room, his eyes filled with tears and I knew where he was going, I saw the look in his eyes. He just needed to breathe, I nodded my head and clung to her side. He was hurting, his mind, his heart, his body and soul, the doctors had just told him his child was dying and that he had to just sit back and watch.

Dallas and I had been avoiding each other the past couple of days, but Vi just got worse. I wanted to stay the whole night, but it was Dallas's turn. We had this unspoken chart of when we could go see her, the last thing I wanted to do was run into him. Pete had said he had stopped in everyday, he was still drinking, still smoking. I could tell from the smell when I came the next day, the jacket he had hung on the bedside smelt of fumes, I think Pete was too distracted by Vi, to even notice that Dallas was just as worse, that he was killing himself slowly.

"Did the doctors stop by?" Vi asked, hoarsely after a couple of hours and Pete still hadn't returned. I looked at her carefully, she was a smart kid, I think she knew, by the mood around here, it only got worse.

"They did..." I nodded my head, as she looked over at me, slowly moving her body next to mine as I laid next to her. She grasped my hand, still holding onto hers as she rested her eyes. There was something somber in her eyes before she closed them, like she was finally at peace, finally at peace with the world.

"It's time isn't it?" She asked, like a biblical story, word for word calling the time. Her eyes closed as she asked, not having the fight to even keep them open.

"You have to fight... fight for your dad... your brother....". I concluded the list as she looked at me like I sounded pathetic, a smile lightly brushing against her lips as she looked like she was about to fall into a needed slumber.

Every time she shut her eyes, I feared it was the last time, that she wouldn't open them again. I wanted her to fight, I wanted to tell her to fight for me, fight for us, but I knew her body had no fight left. Her body was tired and wanting rest in the only way possible.

"I'm too tired to fight". She relaxed against her pillow, breathing roughly in a gasp.

"Will you stay tonight?"She breathed out heavily as her coughing spasms started again and she had to have her lungs drained from the excess fluid buildup. Pete was nowhere in sight, and the time was closing, to when I would leave just as Dallas got here. But it had to happen sometime, we had to see each other sometime.