Finding Melody

54: Reminders

I screeched at him as he climbed up the ladder, his loud shoes clacking against the ladder. I was absolutely horrible for sneaking him in, absolutely horrible. Nolan was just processing the information earlier, he still yelled. Wondering why I even wanted to have a relationship now. Wondering why I needed to be with him. But they would understand, considering they both walked through hell and fire to be together, they knew what I was feeling.

I doubt this was one of the things they would allow him to do, crawl into my bedroom most nights. It had been a week since we decided our fate, simply each other and I was just grasping the idea of him being next to me through it all, sometimes I would be surprised when he would kiss my cheek, or slowly hug me. He was filled with affection.

"I've been doing this for a while, climbing in and out of windows". He said, his voice laying low as I nodded my head, and grabbed the water I had snagged for him.

"Only my window right?" I asked him, teasing as I picked up the hospital smell on his clothes. Vi wasn't doing better, she wasn't doing worse, but he spent every waking moment with her. I could tell that he was taking it harder this time, there was something in his eyes, something making him understand that she wouldn't be able to get better, without a miracle and I kept praying to every god that was ever mentioned, for a miracle to happen.

"Only yours, nobody does window service better than you". He brought me closer to him as he smiled against my lips, pulling me closer to him. He was beautiful, shockstaringly beautiful and I doubt he even knew it.

"I need to take a shower". He noted likely in response to my staring, he smelled like him, his new scent with a mix of me. And I always craved his scent . In England I used to cuddle with his pillow when he would slip out of bed, inhaling it crazily.

But the thought of him using my soap to scrub his body, my shampoo to run through his hair, he was bound to smell like me and I couldn't get enough of that.

"I had to watch someone cut through Vi's skin to insert some device or something and they just came in and did it. Now I can't get that feeling off my skin". I now understood his need, his need to wash himself from that feeling of his own skin being clawed at.

My arms wrapped around him, my hand rubbing up and down his hand as he pointed to the spot, the saddened spot as he moved slowly.

"I'm sorry." I said as he shook it off as I directed him to the bathroom, his body hanging off mine. As if he wanted me to join him, I mean I didn't know if I wanted that. Every other relationship I had, I had rushed into it with sex, with thinking I was in love, I wanted to experience everything with him. At a pace that was comfortable for us both, and that's why he didn't offer for me to join him, until the very last minute.

"I may need an extra scrubber". He said, as I reached down for the collection of unused loofahs underneath my bathroom as he started taking his shirt off. His tattoo shining beautifully on the light and as soon as he took it off, my eyes were glued to his abdomen.

"I wasn't talking about that, I was talking about you". He said, his voice, low and dark, his arms taking in me as he moved over to me in the bathroom, his eyes wandering down to my shirt.

I choked up, my voice coming out in stutters and I swear this was the most nervous he had ever seen me as I gulped harshly, my voice becoming dry now.

"You don't have to. It's your choice." He assured me as I nodded my head, his heart racing telling me it was perfectly fine whatever decision I chose. So I crawled up on the sink, locking myself with him in the bathroom and he climbed into the shower as he threw out the remainder of his clothes. 

"My first time was on the beach... it started like this". He laughed slightly, the slight spray of the water hitting me as I knew that if I leaned further back I could peek into the shower curtain. But I held myself against the mirror facing the shower, unable to see anything.