Finding Melody

33: What Am I?

"And on your right is Windsor Castle", the tour guide announced as the passengers' eyes peeled towards the right, looking at the large arches and Victorian architecture.

Greenery surrounded the castle, and its dome shape amused me to imagine this building had been up for nine hundred years. We would be going to the castle tomorrow, viewing the inside of the area. The castle view slipped out of our view as we drove to our destination, while the guide announced we would be heading to the museum next.

My roommate sat next to me hunched over the seat, multitasking as she watched the show on her tablet and looked up every now and then taking in the scenery. I was tucked into the window seat, glancing back to see Dallas, laughing with Liam.

Something about his smile could be painted as artwork itself, the words he spoke were straight out of a book. He was a work of art himself, in a 'you could stare at him for hours and never get bored' way. I could never get bored.

"You keep looking back", she observed aloud. Her eyes had never met mine, the whole trip but yet she still picked up on what I was doing. She stole a quick glance backwards herself, from the same view I looked out of.

She didn't say a word, almost as if she was worried about me being caught looking at him. But I didn't mind if he did, maybe he would know I thought of him, not just as a friend but more. More than a friend could ever be.

Our bus, which seemed more like a stretched limo screeched in front of the museum doors. We were let out as we stood in front of the National Gallery, the red banners streaming down the sides and the flight of stairs that decked towards the top tier.

We were able to roam as we please, as I wandered through the museum, looking at the brush strokes, the colors, the palates of hues and dullness that was intentional. The large arches in the gallery, cascaded throughout the gallery to the very end.

My roommate had wandered off, as I caught sight of Roland. Zeke's friend, well once my friend too.

"I don't see you around much anymore", he observed, wanting to know the reason. And I hadn't thought about telling people, I mean Dallas knew. Natalie and Nolan didn't, but I just didn't know when to tell them. Zeke and Roland were close, closer than brother and sister.

How come he hadn't told him?

Was it even my place to tell him?

I was tired of him choosing for me, since when was I the one who cleaned up his mess, he made this himself. He slammed a frame over my head on purpose, he has called me ugly, worthless and worse words.

"We broke up... actually I dumped him", I said, almost proud I had taken action. I was prouder than I had admitted.

"You two broke up?" He asked and I nodded my head, as he stood there stunned. Zeke was too embarrassed to say anything about us, this I could use to get through the rest of my life.

"You two were perfect for each other". That was the sentence that killed me in cold blood. I was perfect for him, and he was perfect for me, yet why did he treat me with anger, he called me a slut, a whore, he was someone I didn't recognize, he had become obsessed with the way he was seen. And he had become obsessed with keeping me, pretending he loved me, pretending he cared about everyone.

I hummed lightly as Roland described the ways we were perfect for each other. In detail, perfectly in detail. He described just about everything, in every instance. He sounded like someone who was still convinced this was all a prank and we were really still together, laughing like we used to.

But it was different now, I didn't want to be hurt by him again, I couldn't be.

"Well I'm gonna swing by my friends, and I'll see you, come by anytime", he said, speaking the few words he had said since Zeke had left for New Mexico. It was strange how we had to be in London, for him to come up and talk to me, for him to offer an invite to me. It was strange how this all worked as he walked away and I wondered why Zeke hadn't told a single soul.