romeo + juliet ↠ l.h

34

The wind from the ocean sends my untrimmed and grown out hair flying in all directions, but I don't mind.

I scribble words onto the backs of postcards to no one in particular. Perhaps I'm writing the notes to myself.

you:
where have you been?
do the holes in your heart still run deep?
you can pretend that they are whole, that they are filled.
but then you would be lying, wouldn't you?

I ripped it in half and shoved it into my backpack as Ruby ran up to me, a volleyball in hand and her feet kicking up the sand behind her. She fell down into the sand and wrapped an arm around me, giggling as Kai chased her. Not far behind, he stopped mid sprint to do a terrible cartwheel before rolling into the sand in front of us.

"How are my favorite east coast ladies enjoying the water?" he asked, plucking a beer out of the cooler and throwing it at Ruby. He then pulled out a capri sun and threw it at me.

I had told them the first day we sat down at orientation that I can't drink. I figured getting that conversation out of the way sooner than later would be easier. Why is it so much harder to open up to those closest to you?

Kai's reaction when I told him was 'me neither, man, I just like weed'.

"You wish we were 'your' ladies." Ruby joked, picking up a handful of sand and throwing it at his head.

Sometimes, I thought they were secretly in love. Other times I couldn't see how they could be alone together without bickering.

I'd been at school for a month, and I'd meshed quickly. My classes were fun, with the exception of economics, and my friends were amazing. I met Ruby and Kai at orientation, where Ruby and I had yet to find out that we were actually roommates. Kai tagged along, kind of like a third wheel. He was lanky and awkward, and he had messy golden brown hair and glasses to fix his severe astigmatism. Ruby was a mere 5'2 with the curliest black hair and an impeccable fashion sense. She was an environmental engineering major, and I had yet to find out what an environmental engineer even does.

Kai changed his major every week, but right now he was sticking with horticulture.

They knew everything about me, and I knew everything about them.

We were the three amigos, the three stooges, inseparable. I never knew I could have a guy best friend, aside from Michael. I had little trust in the male species as is, but Kai continuously proved me wrong. He was kind and intelligent and had pure intentions.

Like someone I used to know.

When I told them about Luke, I used past tense. I used the term 'ex-boyfriend'. I used the term 'loved', although I couldn't even lie to myself with that one. I would always love him.

It was now September 1st. Seven months without a word from Luke.

It took me a long time to get to the place I was at. Lots of reminders of my own self worth. Lots of telling myself 'if he wanted to he would'. Lots of long nights crying and unable to sleep.

I stopped expecting him to show up. I stopped expecting a miracle.

He left and decided he was better off without me, and I could never forgive him for that.