Between Then & Now || Currently Editing for Wattys 2022

10.

I brace myself against one side of the door frame as I step out of the van and pull the door closed behind me. My hands are sweaty, so I wipe them on my jean shorts and tighten the bandana around my forehead, fortifying whatever chances I had at the thin piece of fabric keeping organic saltwater from dripping into my eyes.

"Alright, Sarah, I'm heading out!" I call up to the house, debating the odds of her hearing me over her business call. After a few seconds, just when I think she most definitely didn't hear me, her head peers around the open front door, hand plastering her phone to her face. She waves and smiles before disappearing back into the house. "Okay, bye..."

I laugh to myself and shake my head. Honestly? Not sure what else I was expecting out of her. The back of my hand wipes sweat off my forehead as I head over the driver's side. The front door slams shut after I swing myself into the driver's seat. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel at least a little badass being such a small woman driving such a big van.

I put the key in the ignition, foot on the brake, and smile as the van rumbles to life when I turn it. Almost on cue, my back pocket starts vibrating and I reach behind me to pull out my phone and see my mom's face taking up the whole screen. I swipe the call button to the right, answering her call while setting up the aux.

"Hey, Ma."

"Hi Lala-Bel. What's poppin'?"

Oh god. I groan, half laughing out of second-hand embarrassment. "Please, never use that phrase again."

"What, what? Am I not cool enough to use it? Am I too old?" Her voice crackles through the van's speakers as I finally get the aux setup. "Kai, did you hear that? I've finally done it, I'm finally too old to be hip!"

Kai's response is inaudible but after a moment I hear my mother chuckling. Shaking my head, I put the van in reverse and slowly begin to back out of the driveway using the extended mirrors on the side to watch for cars behind me.

"Anyway, flower child of mine, have you left yet?"

"Yep," I draw out the e, momentarily leaning a bit out of the window to better see the mirror. "Just backing out of the driveway."

"Oh." She practically shrieks on the other end of the phone. "How exciting. How fun. I'm so excited for you."

Thanks, Ma. I couldn't tell.

"Yeah," I turn the wheel, finally in the street, and shift the van into drive. "Heading to Texas today."

"Oh, that is good. I remember when I was young in my real wild years, my friends and I drove to Mexico. Of course, our parents were so mad–we were only in high school after all–but it was worth it." A pause. "Texas definitely has a lot of oil rigs." She tuts her tongue on the other end. "A lot of oil. But you know, oil makes the world go 'round or whatever."

I... don't think anybody says that. I turn the wheel to the left, pulling onto a busier road. "Right," is all I say, focusing on the road. The sun begins to glare in through the windshield so I reach up with my left hand, lowering the shade.

"Anyways," she sighs and I hear a few pans banging. "I just wanted to call and check-in. I'm so happy for you, La." A few more pots clash together in the background. "I really do think this will be good for you. Give you some time to think and clear your head and rediscover yourself."

My eyes roll in my head like a set of dice in a Las Vegas game of Craps. I merge into the right line, preparing to get onto the highway. "Ma. It's a road trip. Not like I'm driving to Peru to go on an Ayahuasca retreat."

There's a bit of mumbling from the other end of the line and, after a moment, Kai's muffled voice comes from somewhere in the distance. "No, Willow, you're not going to Peru to do DMT."

"Ugh, buzzkill." My mom half whispers into the phone but laughs a bit. I just shake my head and smile.

"Okay, Mom," I pull onto the ramp to the highway, foot on the gas in order to speed up with the rest of traffic and merge. "I'm about to get on the highway." There's a little pause and I can tell she isn't getting the hint. "I'm safe, don't worry. I'll text you when I get to the next stop."

"Okay, okay," she mumbles a bit, papers shuffling in the background. I can already picture her, her glasses lowered on her nose, eyes peering through the bottoms as she reads the same document for the third time in the last week because she forgot to organize her papers again and refuses to hire an assistant to do it for her.

"Come on, Will, let's let her have her adventure." There's a moment of silence from the other end. "It looks like we kind of already have our own here–didn't you already read this like twice? And why are you doing this month's balance sheet again?"

I laugh at the two of them, forever grateful that my mother has Kai to keep her grounded. "Okay, Ma. I'm gonna go. I love you."

"I love you, too." More paper rustling.

"I mean it."

There's another pause on the other end, and I smile along with my mother, passing under a bridge.

"I know."