Between Then & Now || Currently Editing for Wattys 2022

30.

The sky is cloudy today. There is no sun, and there had even been a little pitter of rain about a hundred miles back. But rain every now and again is actually quite nice, I've realized. Sometimes, the sun does get old after a while.

My phone begins ringing, and I break my stare down at the road to Niagara Falls. When I look over at the phone on the dashboard, I see my mom's face across it with Call from Ma. I'm not even sure when the last time I called her was. Actually, I think it was back in California.

Shit. She's probably freaking out and whipping up some locating spell or whatever to find me.

Immediately, I reach forward, answering the call and turning the radio down. In the passenger seat, Thelma sits up, perking her ears. When my mom's voice comes through the speaker, she tilts her head, and I softly laugh at her.

"LaLa. How are you? Where are you? Are you okay?"

"Ma, yes, I'm fine. Please don't have a heart attack." I laugh, replacing both hands onto the steering wheel and training my eyes on the road ahead of me. Grass grazing fields pass by on either side in a blur of green and yellow, the pale gray of the sky kissing the golden tops of the dry blades. "I just got through New York City."

A sigh comes from the other end of the phone, and I roll my eyes at my mother. Ever the dramatic. "Thank goodness. You know how I worry. And how bad trafficking is nowadays. You never–"

"Honey," Kai's voice rings through. "You do know she's sharing her location with us. You can always just look up her contact on Find My Friends."

I giggle. The appreciation I have for Kai is endless. Sometimes, I think my mom would truly go insane without them. "Exactly, mom. I'm fine." I turn the wheel slightly, the road taking a curve. "And I still carry that pepper spray you gave me. And the taser. And the alarm."

"Good, good." The weight leaving my mom's shoulders is audible. "Good. How was New York, what did you think?"

"Well," I turn the wheel again, going down an exit. Immediately, Thelma jumps and presses her nose against the window. "The people were certainly interesting."

The man from the subway comes into mind and I giggle. Yeah, interesting will do.

My mom laughs on the other end of the phone. "Yeah, that makes sense. I remember, one time, I went to New York with a group of girlfriends from the diner and we saw a man, um. Well, he was you know. Right on a bench. In the middle of Times Square."

I wrinkle my nose. Not that kind of interesting, Ma. "Nice." I mutter, chuckling. Ew?

She's laughing at the other end, and I can feel her deep diving into her memories. For a moment, I just let her be a nostalgic middle-aged woman, and I wait. Finally, she clears her throat and continues, her voice different. "Did you, uh, did you hear from anyone unexpected recently?" There's an awkward pause on the line as neither of us say anything for a moment.

Did she... already know?

"Who? Like Tata?" I'll bite. They haven't spoken in just as long as I hadn't with him. I have no clue how she would know about him emailing me, but, somehow she seems to know everything.

"No, no, not necessarily." Her response is immediate. Alright, mom. Lying was never her forte. "Just in general. I know you've been on the road a lot and I feel like that's a good time for unexpected people to come back in your life. You're in a transitory phase–always a good time to get rid of things that no longer serve you and maybe come to peace with them."

"Uh-huh." I flick on my blinker, pulling off the highway onto a road about thirty miles out from Niagara Falls. "Well," My eyes glance to the left, making sure another car isn't going to completely T-bone me. "Yeah, dad emailed me."

"Oh?" She feigns surprise, and I roll my eyes. "What did– Um, what did he say? What did you say? Was it good?"

I shrug, then remember it's a call. "He was just trying to talk again. I didn't really care. I just deleted the email and moved on with my life." My hands spin the wheel, one over the other, down some road on the left.

"Wait, Lala, why didn't you respond to him?" Her voice is panicked, and I give a wild look at the phone. What the hell is going on with this woman? "It might be good for you two to get back into touch and–"

"He didn't seem to have any problem moving on with his," I respond, completely exasperated. Is she really defending him? The man who left us without any explanation? Who left us essentially homeless? "Why are you defending him, mom? He left us. We don't owe him anything."

There's another pause, and I'm not even sure what she's thinking. She had to have eaten some crazy shrooms that morning. Or something.

"You're right," she finally says. "You don't owe him anything." She pauses and I hear some whispering from the other end. Is Kai defending him now, too? What the actual fuck is going on. My mom clears her throat and continues. "Um, but it might be good to at least respond. Just for your own closure, ya know?"

I roll my eyes and pull into the entrance. Niagara Falls State Park. Trees curve over the round, making the illusion of a tunnel, and I just shake my head. I am not letting this ruin my mood. "Sure, mom, I'll think about it."

Her sigh is literally audible through the phone, and I drop my own shoulders. "Okay, good, okay."

"Yeah," I murmur, then continue. "Hey, Ma, I'm at Niagara Falls, right now. Can I call you back once I get set up and everything?"

"Of course, honey. I'm just finishing up some paperwork. I love you."

"I love you, too," I smile again, but, as I lean forward to end the call, it feels a little more forced this time.