Between Then & Now || Currently Editing for Wattys 2022

20.

By the time the sun began to set, my clothes had completely dried and my skin was warm from the summer heat. Thelma had tried to attack about ten squirrels-and lost every time-and was completely worn out. Alex had invited us back to the cliff jumpers campsite, and I happily obliged, relieved to finally have some human interaction after a week without.

When we got back to their campsite, just a few stops down from my own, the few campers who had decided to stay back from the cliff jumping activities already had hot dogs on hot dogs and tubs of every salad possible ready. I barely have time to loop Thelma's leash around a small tree before the blonde Alex bounces over with a plate for me.

"Eat, eat. We have more than enough." Her smile is wide and genuine, and I smile back at her, letting out a soft, "Thank you."

While waiting in line, Amani and Josh and Stacy all make small talk with me, and, when I get to the end of the line, a girl with a streak of pink in her hair stops me and holds out a bottle of Mike's Hard Lemonade.

"Whoa, there, girl." She tuts her tongue and shakes her head. Her nose and eyebrow piercings glitter in the light of the campfire the other campers had already gotten going. I smile nervously, and she looks at me, pointedly, a big, sincere grin on her face. "You can't forget the fun."

She chuckles as I grab the bottle, and I giggle, too, shoulders finally falling. "Ola," I introduce myself.

"Jo." She looks around, eyes scanning the empty spaces by the fire. "Where are you sitting?"

"Um," I nod towards where Thelma sits by the tree, napping finally. "Right over there. I, uh, don't really know anyone here too well so..."

Jo giggles a bit and nods. "I'll sit with you. I went to college with these nimrods, so I've definitely spent enough time with their antics. Not shocked they somehow looped you into their challenge to death."

Finally, I let out a genuine laugh, shocked someone sees the cliff jumping similarly to myself. "Glad to hear you kind of think of it the same way."

She nods as we walk over to Thelma and sit down on the grass. Thelma glances up from her spot but closes her eyes again and lets out an exhausted sigh, the grass in front of her nose bending.

As we eat our food, both of us are silent, and I have a feeling neither of us mind it. Everyone around us is chattering, a few laughs bursting out here and there, and, as I finish my food, I recognize the ambience of the scene. Genuine peace. Happiness. Warmth and comfort and acceptance. After a moment, I remember the video camera I had stuffed into my backpack and reach over to where I had laid it to take the small device out.

"What's that?" Jo takes a bite of her hot dog and watches as I unfold the camera, turning it on, adjusting the settings.

"It's, um, my video camera." My back stiffens, awaiting her questions. She doesn't have any, so I hesitantly continue. "I'm working- Well, I'm trying to work on a documentary."

There's a moment of silence and then Jo pipes up. "What do you mean? 'Trying'?"

I shrug, filming the other campers, capturing a scene of Amani saying something and Lex bursting out with laughter. "I'm just not really sure what it's even supposed to be about. I just... can't find a purpose." The moon must break through the clouds, because, for a few seconds, the scene lightens a bit. "It's kind of like life. Like, is there supposed to be a purpose? I don't know."

There's a pause, just the crackling of fire on logs and a breeze through the trees breaking through. Then, Jo speaks up.

"For what it helps, I've kind of come to terms with the fact that life has no purpose." She smiles softly, scratching Thelma behind her ears, and turns to look at me. Her eyebrow piercing glitters in the fire light. "Or, at least, it has a purpose but it's the one we make. We decide it for ourselves."

I tilt my head slightly to the right, looking at her through the camera screen. "What do you mean?"

She looks down and then back over at the other campers chattering around us. "I mean... if we all spend all this time searching for our purpose, for some meaning inside this damned existence, we forget that we're the ones who decide our path. We forget that we give ourselves purpose. If we're constantly looking for it in something else, like someone is supposed to hand us a note with instructions for life on it, we'll never just live our own. Not how we're supposed to, at least."

For a moment, I just pause and continue to film Jo as she watches the other campers, firelight flickering over her and Thelma and the grass surrounding them. Then, I turn the camera and pan on the rest of the campers. Their laughter and voices fill the air, and a soft breeze tousles my hair.

Under my breath, I whisper, "It's like we get so caught up on what we're living for that we actually forget to live."