Celestial Worlds

Chapter Twenty-eight

I'm stunned by what I see as we approach her. Martha.

So this is what the comatose looks like. They look like bones and a skin draped over to them, they look starved and pale and sick. I want to cry, to say I'm sorry, to say it's going to be fine, but I can't because I know no one would want my tantrums right now. No one would want to see me crying, not even Daniel because I know he'll regret going here and he'll feel sorry for me.

Instead, I grip his hand tightly; he let goes only because he goes to his mother and kisses her on the forehead.

"Hi mother," he whispers, his voice strained with happiness and pain and I can't bear to see it, I can't bear to hear it. He moves around her bed and sits on the couch, next to her. I sit beside him and he places his face in his hands. "She's worse than the last time I saw her," he whispers so quietly that I strain to hear him. "So much worse."

"Come on, Daniel. Don't think about that. She'll be better. I know it," I tell him, gripping his shoulder. I know his mom is waking up because I feel it, I know she'll be breathing fresh air again.

After a moment, Daniel lift his face up from his hands and looks at me. "Do you want to know how she ended up like this?" he asks.

"Well, you kind of did. Remember? But go ahead, I didn't even understand you." He nods and leans back on the couch, rests his head on my shoulder.

"Well, she was in this reunion party. You know, where you meet friends and you talk to them and have fun. I was waiting that night; I was waiting for her by myself in the living room. It was already past midnight and she never ever goes home after midnight. She's always about curfews and stuff. I waited there then it started to rain, like, really rain. I got worried and when I glanced back at the clock, I saw it was already three a.m. in the morning. Then there was a knock on the door. I knew it was mom, I already knew it before I opened the door. But, instead of her, there were two cops in front of my door and then, I knew it was about mom. I knew there was something bad happened to mom. The cops' faces were sad and I was already looking at the as if they're pulling some kind of joke, if my mother wanted to joke on me. But they didn't, they told me they say my mom on the streets with her crashed car in the rain. They said it was a hit and run accident and they asked me if I can-if I can come with them. I said maybe they got the wrong Miller and that's when I completely lost my mind. I completely lost my mind because they pulled out my mother's driver's licence. I shouted at them and I tried to run. I kept thrashing and punching the air. Eventually, I blacked out and I woke up in the police car. The moment I woke up, I kept banging on the screen and when we got there, I ran up without knowing where to go. The police found me and they walked me here and I saw my mother, lying on this bed on the same spot for three years now. I ran to her and cried there. The nurse explained what happened. She was hit by another car in full speed and she banged her head on the steering wheel, hard. She said it was a miracle that she survived. Right then, I wanted to shout at her, I wanted to shout at her for being so stupid. Noting is a miracle that day; nothing was ever good to my life starting that day. But I didn't shout at the nurse, I have had enough of shouting and crying. I was so tired, I spent the night here. And in the first year, I kept visiting mom, even sleeping here sometimes. I would rather be here than to rot in our house alone. After a while, I lost hope, I didn't visit her anymore. She became pale and weak and thin. It just hurts me to see her suffering like that. I lost hope. Not until now," he says. He looks at me and smiles. He looks back down to his hands and his face falls, like a deflated balloon. "You know what I'm afraid of? You know what my biggest fear is? My biggest fear is that, my mom, here in this bed, would forget me and not remember me as her son. I wanted her to see me and I want her to cry when she wakes up. I want her to hug me like she used to. I want her to say 'Daniel, honey, I miss you.' I want her to cry a river for me. Because I know that's what I'll do if she wakes up." He's crying now. He's crying silently. You can't hear him sob; you can't feel his shoulders shaking. You just see tears falling from his eyes. I pull him in a tight hug and he hugs me back. He pulls away and looks at me, his eyes sparkly.