Celestial Worlds

Chapter Twenty-one

Jonathan pulls back from the girl, his hand on her hip, their bodies so close you’ll doubt if a crowbar can separate them. He stares at me, wide-eyed. This is the time I realize the plate I’m holding has dropped to the floor, causing them to stop. Pizza’s all over the place. I blink rapidly, hardly ever noticing that tears have welled my eyes and they’re falling from my face. I’m still standing there, the girl completely disgusted by my current state. I want to slap her, but Jonathan’s word ring through my head, “We just kissed.”

    I clatter around, nearly twisting my ankles by just escaping this nuisance I feel that’s so strong it’s over powering me. I run, I run out and I know exactly where I would go. My tears are blurring my eyes and I’m crying so hard, so hard that I worry I might flood this useless city, this useless life I live in. I’m clutching myself, crossing my arms around my waist so tight I can’t breathe.

    “Victoria!” Jonathan calls behind me. I’ve successfully escaped the front gate and I’m now on the road. “Victoria!” He says again. This time I turn to him, terrified that he might laugh at my horrible expression. I’m sobbing so hard. So hard that my eyes feel like a faucet that’s been left on for an hour. I staring at him, I’m staring at him through my fragile eyes that may break in a minute. I’m waiting for him to speak.

    Finally he does, “Back there was—”

    “None of my business. Am I right?”

    “No I’m sorry, really, just—” He grabs a fistful of hair and puts a hand on his hip, just like what he did in the farm house. “That was Amber and she—”

    “Let me guess, she was sad and she was there and you were there so you stuck your tongue in her windpipe?”

    “No it wasn’t like that—”

    “Then how is it? How is it Jonathan? Why the hell do you need to interfere with my life and then just walk away, like you never did anything?” I was crying so hard, the words were barely understandable. But he seems to understand much. He falls silent so I continue to talk, calming my voice a little. “When you kissed me…you made me felt whole and happy then the next day you were ignoring me, why? Do you do that to all of the girls you kiss?”

    “No I—”

    “Shut the fuck up Jonathan.”

    He shuts up.

    “You don’t know how hard it is for me, that was my first kiss. I thought we were finally getting through something but when I try to engage conversation, you block me and you try to prove a point but you have no idea how this affects me. You are oblivious,” I say acidly. “This, this is a sacrifice. And you don’t know it.” I want to tell him, I want to tell him everything. What I am, what I do and where I belong. But I can’t, what if something goes wrong. What if I wake up the next day and find out that my wings have been ripped off, fresh from the skin.

    “Would you just listen?” he says, frustrated and tired. I’m not tired, I’m just getting started. “Amber, she was my ex-girlfriend. She talked to me. She,”­—he exhales—“She was the one who pulled me and kissed me. I can’t just push her away. I just can’t—”

    “This doesn’t make any sense. Amber isn’t our main person here. She is out of the topic,” I retort back sharply.

    “It may not for you, but it makes perfect sense to me. And loving you, it’s a sacrifice too. Maybe not the kind of sacrifice you’re saying but a different sacrifice. This…can’t go on much longer. But, I like you, I really do. It’s just hard.”

    “And kissing Amber isn’t hard? So much for loving.”

    “I can kiss girls and not mean them, you think I’ve never dated before?”

    “I didn’t say that you’ve never dated before! But you can’t kiss girls and get away with it! You disgust me.”

    “You don’t understand! You don’t know anything Victoria!”

    “Screw this! I’m going to Daniel’s!”

    “Yeah, go to your little nerd puppy and hold hands with him,” he says sternly.

    I look at him hard. “Fuck you Jonathan. Kissing you was the biggest mistake of my life.”

    Then I’m off.