Celestial Worlds

Chapter Thirty-seven

“Daniel,” I say, scrambling up to him. He’s standing about five feet away from us, his frame completely stiff. “Daniel I—”

    “What, you were just kissing him? What the hell was that Victoria?” he shouts. He’s beyond furious now, with his jaw clenched hard and his nostrils flaring. Jonathan stood up but he doesn’t get near. Daniel locks his eyes on him and before I know it, he’s already punched Jonathan and Jonathan has fell to the hard pavement. Instead of throwing back a punch, he stands up and wipes him mouth which is dripping with blood with the back of his hand.

    “I guess I deserved that,” he says, his tone flat. Even if he’s already in a fight, he’s still arrogant.

    “Fucking yes you do,” Daniel says, reaching his arm back to throw another punch. But before he can hit Jonathan again, I grab his elbow with both hands.

    “Stop!” I shout. It comes out like a sob because I’ve been crying; I didn’t know my eyes were releasing tears. They’re going down non-stop and I can barely see Daniel and Jonathan. “Stop,” I say. It’s strained and barely audible.

    Daniel strides over me and clutches my waist, dragging me inside the hotel in a harsh manner. I look back one last time at Jonathan, he has his head down and his hands are jammed in his pockets.

    We arrive at our hotel room after stares and whispers. Daniel opens our door in an angry way, pushing hard past it. I go inside after him, tears still falling from my eyes, and shut the door. I just stand there, in front of the door, with my hands folded like I’ve been scolded for breaking a crayon.

    But this time, it’s not a crayon that I broke.

    Daniel doesn’t stop and shout at me right away, he strides over the dresser, slams his glasses on top. He has his back to me, across the room, when he punches the wall hard, it left a chipped paint.

    “Fuck!” he shouts. Not from the hurt in his hand but because of me. Because of what I did. This time, I can’t say that I didn’t kiss him because I did, I can’t reason out that Jonathan pulled me and kissed me. Because I kissed him too, he wasn’t the only one who was moving.

    He turns back to me, a hand caught in his hair and the other dangling and lifeless. His eyes are hurt and furious at the same time. “Why’d you do this Victoria?” he whispers. He strides over the bed and sits on it, his back to me. He places his face in his hands and shouts again.

    I scramble up to him with audible sobs, I’m completely guilty. I should’ve pushed him away when I had the chance and I shouldn’t have kissed him back. But I had to. Because I wanted to.

    And I feel sick because of that.

    I sit beside him frantically, not knowing what to do in situations like this. They don’t provide tabloids of ‘What to do When Your Boyfriend Caught You Kissing With Another Guy: Instructions Inside’. I’m completely helpless and filthy.

    His shoulders are shaking.

    He’s crying. When he said I love you that night, I didn’t take it all in because I know this can never last forever, nothing does. But right now, he’s crying because of me and I know that he loves me. I hug him tight and the only thing he does is rest his head against the curve of my neck, not wrapping any arms around me. Wetness touches my shoulders and I cling to him harder.

    “What was that back there?” he asks accusingly, his voice thick.

    I pull away from him and wipe my tears with the back of my hands. “I’m sorry Daniel I didn’t know you were there and—”

    “You didn’t know I was there. So if I wasn’t there, maybe you two could be having sex by now!”

    “No! It’s not like that!”

    “Then how is it? You care to explain how you ended up in the park with not just some guy, but Jonathan. Him? I thought you hated him!” He shouts. He’s still furious, his whole body shaking from anger. “How can I trust you now? How?” he asks me quieter and more stable. His tone is still shaky and angry and it’s scaring me. I don’t reply because every time I open my mouth, it feels like there’s someone stuffing cotton inside my mouth. “Victoria,” he says, his tears no longer falling. “I love you and you know that. I can’t afford losing you to someone else,” he says in a whisper so soft. I cry harder because of what he said, after all I’ve done, that scene at the park, which he witnessed, he still loved me. He still cares for me.

    But he isn’t letting this pass by. He’s going to shovel this down to the core.

    He closes his eyes tight and pinches the bridge of his nose. He exhales and finally says, “C’mere,” his eyes still closed. A smile tugs up my lips while my tears fall, I crawl up to him and hug him as tight as my tired arms can handle. I sob and release everything towards him; I cry everything out instead of saying words that wouldn’t even make sense to him. I turn my explanations to water and bathe him with it. He hugs me tight and kisses my forehead.

    I cry some more.

    Because even though he can’t see it, I know I’m in love with someone else.