Celestial Worlds

Chapter Thirty-four

The party looks like the kind I imagined it would be.

    Blaring lights flash in every direction, in red blue green and other obnoxiously bright colours. There are other people here, not just Nick and the others. People who looks like teenagers or people who feel like they’re teenagers. The air smells like alcohol and sweat.

    But mostly alcohol.

    There’s also loud and obnoxious music blaring from everywhere in the room, with dj’s who feel like they’re so expert but in reality they look like people who washes dishes enthusiastically.

    “Is it okay if I go with Nick for a while?” Daniel shouts over the music I smile at him and give him a quick kiss.

    “Of course it is!” I shout back. He smiles and grabs a drink, offering me one and I take it. I’m just not gonna drink it. He scurries away with Nick and I sigh. Stacy’s with Hanna and Tyler’s with Daniel and Nick. I’m alone now, and I certainly do not want to dance with sweaty people.

    I’m wearing a dress that’s black and it looks kind of like a sundress. I clutch my purse, the drink in my hand and head outside.

---

The pier looks peaceful and quiet.

    Seagulls flying on and off on buoys. I sit on the dock near the end where it meets the sea. The sound blaring from the Suite is muffled and barely heard from here. I dump my drink in the ocean and place my hands on my sides, touching the wood. The wood has a bit moss and the nails are crooked. They have been hammered for a few times.

    Kind of like the people here in Gracetown.

    I sit and remove my shoes, the heels Stacy urged me to wear. I place them on my side and I lean back, placing my hands on the cool wood, inhaling the salty breeze of sea.

    “Can I sit here?” A voice asks. I know whose voice is that. And it’s the last voice I wanted to hear.

    When I don’t reply, he sits down and places the heels behind me. He takes off his shoes and places them on his side, rolling up his jeans. I bite the inside of my lips and train my eyes on the sea. Suddenly the breeze feels lame and the view feels lame. I don’t want him here. I never wanted him here.

    He exhales. “Victoria,” he says.

    The minute he says my name, my insides burst. My heart beats faster and the hairs at the back of my neck stand up. I get Goosebumps and my palms sweat. I keep my eyes expressionless as possible, so he won’t see that I want to fight him, I want to shout at him, I want to cry. I want to cry so bad and I’m afraid I might because of the pressure I’m feeling in my chest. The remnants of my memory of that night in the kitchen brightens up, like a black and white movie turning into a coloured one. They become reborn and they flash in my mind, fresh as if it happened a second ago. Then the memory of me in his room, his lips kissing mine and his hands on my body. I wish I can erase those memories. My mind says it’s possible but my heart says no. No, you cannot erase those memories. Those memories will stay in your head, forever haunting you. My mind says yes, please, oh Lord, erase these memories, but my heart screams no. No because it knows I still care for him. My eyes drip tears because they know I’m hurt when I see him. My heart beats faster because it knows he’s a part of my life.

    I’m torn between loving him and killing him. And it’s hard to decide.

    “Victoria,” he repeats. I can see him, from the corner of my eye that he’s looking at me. He’s looking at me and I can’t help but glance at him for a split second.