Please Don't Leave Me

Chapter Forty Nine

"I want to go back to school."

These words left Patton and Logan frozen in their spots. The two of them had talked about this, but they hadn't realized that Remus would want to return to school so soon. To be honest, the thought made both men incredibly uneasy. "Are you sure buddy? There's nothing wrong with taking some time off," Patton assured, trying to keep his uneasiness hidden. Remus nodded, sitting at the kitchen table across from them. "Yeah, I'm sure. I think I'm ready," he responded. Logan and Patton shared a look before continuing. "I don't know if that's such a good idea," Patton admitted. Remus furrowed his eyebrows. "What do you mean?" he asked softly. Patton took a deep breath. "I just don't know if you're actually ready to go back to school is all," he admitted. Remus couldn't explain why, but this made his blood boil. "Well I do," Remus said, the firmness in his tone shocking both men. "I think what Patton was trying to say is that we just want to make sure you're safe," Logan tried to explain, looking to Patton who nodded. Remus shifted his eyes between the two. "I'm fine. I can handle it," he insisted, trying to keep his anger contained. "Kiddo, I don't like bringing this up, but the last time you were in that school-" Patton started. "Don't," Remus said firmly. Patton sighed. "I'm just saying that something like that could happen again, and I think that's something to consider when deciding if you should go back to school yet." Remus looked at him incredulously. "I know what's best for me," Remus finally said. A long, tense silence followed as the men let their words sink in. Before Patton could realize what he was saying, he responded.

"I don't think you do."

Remus' eyes widened at the man's words, his heart clenching. Patton's expression mirrored his as his words finally sunk in. Remus stood from the table quickly, moving to leave. "Wait, Remus-" Patton started. "You know, it really sucks that you think I'm so incapable that I can't even decide what I should do. I didn't realize that you thought so lowly of me." With that, Remus turned around and ran to his room, slamming the door behind him. Patton watched him go with a hurt and confused expression.

Remus sat against the wall in his room, his head in his hands. He was feeling so many different things, and it was overwhelming for him. A mixture of anger, frustration, sadness, and guilt washed over him, making him feel awful. He began taking deep breaths, attempting to calm his racing mind. After a bit of time, the anger had almost completely disappeared, leaving extreme guilt in its wake. Remus leaned his head back against the wall, mentally kicking himself. Why had he yelled at his dad like that? Why had he lashed out? Deep down he knew exactly why, but right now all he could focus on was how bad he felt for treating his dad like that. Remus finally pushed himself up, taking a deep breath before walking out of his room in pursuit of his dad.

Remus didn't think he could feel any worse than he already did. However, when he saw his dad sitting on the couch with his head in his hands, he felt immeasurably worse. Remus took a moment before continuing toward the couch. When he approached, Patton didn't move. Remus looked at him for a moment before placing his hand softly on his shoulder. "Logan, I really don't want to talk right now," Patton said, his voice sounding much more raw than usual. "Um, it's Remus," he said softly. Patton looked up quickly, locking eyes with his son. "Hey, Re," Patton responded carefully. "Do you want to go on a walk? I think we need to talk," Remus said. Patton nodded, standing up and following his son out the front door.

The pair walked in silence for a moment, neither one sure where to start. Finally, Remus broke the silence. "I'm really sorry, Dad." Patton looked over at him with a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry too, buddy." Remus hasn't expected Patton to apologize to him too. He really appreciated it. "Just so you know, I didn't mean what I said. About you not knowing what's best for yourself," Patton continued. Remus looked up at his dad. "It's okay," Remus responded softly. "No it's not, kiddo. At the end of the day, only you can know how you feel and what you're ready or not ready for. And I know that, I swear I do. To be honest with you, I'm just scared," Patton admitted. Remus' heart dropped. "Why are you scared, Dad?" Patton shrugged. "A lot of reasons. I don't want you to get hurt anymore. I want to protect you from everything bad out there," Patton explained. Remus looked down at his sneakers as he processed his dads words. "I really appreciate that. But I can't spend my whole life hiding from the world," Remus said carefully. Patton sighed. "I know," he mumbled.

The pair fell into a somewhat tense silence. Remus couldn't shake the guilt he still felt from lashing out earlier, and his mind was racing. Finally, he voiced his thoughts. "I really am sorry for lashing out at you earlier. I was really mean, it that isn't right," he admitted genuinely. "It's really okay buddy. I know you didn't mean it," Patton assured. "I'm just tired," Remus finally said. "You should get some rest, kiddo," Patton responded. Remus shook his head. "No, not that kind of tired. I'm just so tired of taking up all of yours and Papa's time with all of my problems. And I'm tired of having you worry about me all the time. I really appreciate it, don't get me wrong. But I'm tired of giving you both reasons to worry about me, you know?" Remus explained. Patton looked at him sympathetically. "You know that Logan and I love taking care of you, right?" Patton finally asked. "I mean, yeah, but all of the problems have got to get old," Remus responded. Patton shook his head. "We don't see it that way. You're our son. We want to take care of you, through the good and bad times." Remus looked at Patton gratefully, really taking in his words. He didn't know what to say, so he just slipped his hand into Patton's to show that he really loved him. Patton squeezed his hand lightly, returning the sentiment.

Just as the pair were approaching their house, Patton spoke up. "You can go back to school if you're ready," he said genuinely. Remus smile softly. "Thank you, Dad. I really am." Patton looked down at his son and smiled. "I know you are. God, when did you get so mature?" Remus just chuckled and shrugged, earning a genuine laugh from Patton. The pair then reentered their home, both relieved that their conflict had been resolved.