Please Don't Leave Me

Chapter Nineteen

TW: Mentions of self harm, suicidal thoughts
The family stayed in each other's tight embraces for a long time, needing to feel each other's presence. Finally, when Remus shivered, Patton pulled away from the hug slightly. "How about you go take a hot shower, yeah? You're soaking wet and I'm sure you're freezing," Patton said as he moved Remus' wet hair out of his face. Remus clung to the men tighter and shook his head. "Why not, darling?" Logan asked. "Don't want you to leave me," Remus said quietly. Logan and Patton shared a pained look. "We're never going to leave you, Re. I promise," Logan said as he rubbed the boy's back lightly. Remus still refused to let go of the men, hiding his face in Logan's chest. "I have an idea. What if I sit in the bathroom with you while you shower? I'll step out when you are getting in and out, but perhaps if you can hear me then it will help?" Logan offered. Remus looked up at him, weakly nodding his head. Patton let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you so much, Lo." Logan kissed Patton's cheek lightly. "It is no problem. You should take a shower too, you are very wet as well." Patton nodded. "Yeah, I'll go do that," Patton said as he made his way up the stairs to his bedroom. "Come on, darling. Let's go upstairs," Logan said as he lead the boy up to the bathroom. "I will wait outside the door until you are in the shower, okay?" Logan asked softly. "N-no," Remus whimpered out. "I promise that I will not leave. I'll be back before you know it." Remus whimpered again but nodded. Logan pressed a kiss to the boy's head before stepping just outside of the door. Remus couldn't stop the flow of whines that left his mouth as the man stepped outside. "Papa," the boy whimpered out. "I'm right here, darling. I'm here," he responded from the other side of the door. Remus took a breath, calming slightly at the sound of the man's voice. He turned on the water and pulled off his clothes, stepping under the warm stream of water. "I'm in," Remus said loudly. Logan opened the door and entered once more, sitting on the floor against the wall. The only sound that could be heard was the water hitting Remus' skin, causing the boy to become a bit paranoid. "Papa?" Remus asked softly. "I'm still here, darling," the man responded, calming Remus immediately. The boy finished showering soon after, shutting off the water. "I'll be right outside, okay? I'm going to go grab you a new pair of clothing and then I will be right back here," Logan said as he stood from his spot on the floor. "Okay," Remus said softly. "I'll be back as soon as I can," Logan stated as he left the room. Remus grabbed a towel and dried his body, attempting to suppress
his growing fear. What if he doesn't come back? What if he lied? What if- "I have your clothes, Re," Logan said from behind the door. Remus opened the door and grabbed the clothing, shutting the door once more. He set aside the towel and pulled on the soft blue sweater and gray shorts as quickly as he could. As soon as he was dressed, Remus opened the door and launched into Logan's arms. "Didn't leave," Remus said under his breath. Logan held onto the boy tightly, whispering sweet words in his ear as he calmed the boy's nerves. "Do you want to come into mine and Patton's room?" Logan asked softly. Remus nodded, prompting the pair to move to the room. As they entered, Logan crawled into the bed and under the covers, sighing loudly as his body relaxed. He looked up at the boy and opened his arms, inviting him into his embrace. Remus crawled into Logan's arms, curling against his chest. They stayed in this position until Patton came out of the bathroom and let out an overly loud, "aww!" Remus looked up at him quickly, making a noise between a whine and a whimper as he scrambled into Patton's arms. "Woah, you okay bud? What's wrong?" Patton asked, shocked at the boy's change in mood. "Just wanted you," Remus mumbled. Patton looked down at the boy fondly before leading him over to the bed once more. "How about you and Lo take a nap, yeah? I have a few things I'd like to work on, but I'll just be in the living room if you need me," Patton smoothed down Remus' hair as he spoke. Remus looked at Patton with slightly fearful eyes but nodded nonetheless. "It's going to be okay, kiddo. I'm just downstairs. I'm not going anywhere," Patton whispered, causing Remus to relax slightly. Patton leaned down and kissed the boy's forehead before leaving the room and shutting the door lightly. Remus crawled back in Logan's arms, attempting to relax enough to fall asleep.

He could never be so lucky.

Half an hour had passed when Remus realized he wouldn't be able to quiet his thoughts enough to sleep. They started softly, telling him that he did something stupid today and that he had needlessly worried his parents. They progressively got louder, until they were screaming in his head and clawing at his mind. The silence of the room only served to amplify their volume. You hurt them! Just like you hurt everyone. They hate you. They should. You're a terrible son. They deserve so much more than you. Why don't you just go slit your wrists and kill-

Remus gripped at his hair and pulled tightly, wanting the thoughts to stop. His mind refused to comply. Kill yourself. Do them a favor. Slit your wrists. Slit your wrists. Slit- Remus only then realized that he was scratching at his wrists fervently. He forced himself to stop, digging his nails into his palms. His thoughts refused to cease. Cut, cut, cut. Remus' mind continued to attack him when he remembered something. Patton had said to come find him if he needed anything. Remus was sure that he needed him right now. The boy stood on shaky legs and stumbled out of the room, his mind spinning as his thoughts continued to shout. He made it down the stairs and into the living room, causing Patton to look up at him. "Hey, Re. You done napping?" Patton asked, unaware of Remus' inner turmoil. When the boy didn't respond, Patton's expression changed to one of concern. "Remus? What's wrong sweetheart?" Patton asked as he stood from his spot on the couch. "Want to hurt myself," Remus said quietly. "Oh, god, thank you for coming to find me Re. Have you hurt yourself at all yet?" Patton asked as he moved toward the boy. Remus nodded, looking at his arms. "D-didn't mean to," the boy whimpered. Patton took Remus' forearms into his hands, rubbing the irritated skin with his thumbs soothingly. "It's okay, buddy. I'm so proud of you for coming to me." Remus' breath shuddered, his thoughts quieting a bit in Patton's presence. "What brought this on?" Patton asked softly. "Thoughts," Remus muttered. "Do you want to talk about the thoughts?" Patton asked as he lead the boy to the couch. Remus thought for a moment before responding. "Do you promise you won't hate me if I tell you about them?" Remus asked with a low voice. Patton put his arm around Remus in a comforting manner. "I promise, Re. I could never hate you." Remus took a deep breath. "They... were about today. Said that I made a scene for no reason and hurt you two because I hurt everyone. Told me that you'd be better off without me. Told me to...to..." Remus couldn't bring himself to finish his sentence. He didn't want it to be true. Patton's breath caught in his throat. "Did your thoughts tell you to kill yourself?" Patton asked, choking up as he spoke. Remus nodded, looking at the ground. Patton latched onto the boy, holding him tightly. "Re, you have to promise me that you won't kill yourself. I...I don't know what Logan and I would do if we lost you." Remus shook his head quickly. "I won't, I promise. I don't want to leave you guys. I don't want to die. My thoughts are just bad." Patton let out a quiet sigh of relief. "I'm so glad to hear that you don't want to. Is there anything we can do to help you with your thoughts? We can take you to a therapist or a doctor, anything to help you," Patton rambled. Remus leaned into the man. "You make the voices stop yelling," Remus mumbled. Patton stilled as he took in the boy's words. He held the boy tightly, attempting to provide him as much protection and comfort as he could. The pair sat quietly for a minutes before Remus broke the silence. "Silence makes them worse," he whispered. Patton's eyes widened before he realized what would help. He began singing softly, effectively filling the silence. Remus let out a sigh and laid his head on Patton's shoulder.

The pair sat together on the couch for hours, Patton rocking his boy slowly and singing softly, effectively silencing his intrusive thoughts.