Humans Are Space Orcs

Good Pain, Horror, & Clothes

*MENTION OF MATURE THEME*

Aliens would be so confused about "good" pain.

"Human Jeff, why do you continuously reopen past wounds? Does this help humans heal faster?"

"Oh, uh, no. It doesn't do anything. Sorry I didn't know anyone noticed, picking scabs is a nasty habit."

"Why would you do this for no reason? Is it not painful?!"

"Yeah, a little I guess but like, also satisfying in a way?"

"Or like how some people pop their joints. Aliens would probably freak out because it sounds like we're breaking our own bones.

"Calm down Xuydln. It's ok, see? My bones are fine! It's just a sound that comes from air buildup in the joints!"

"But Human Carrie cringed at the sound. Was this not an example of human empathy? It appeared to be painful!"

"I mean a little but in a good way, you know? Like, it's relieving. But not everyone likes to do it."

Or when a human athlete works out and is all sore and out of breath afterward and they have to explain that it's a good kind of sore and that no they do not need to go to the medic.

Or how after sitting for a while the humans will occasionally stand and stretch and make a pained moaning sound and they have to explain that they're not in pain they were just stretching. Even though the alien specifically remembered the human talking about an injury they once had gotten from stretching, so why does it feel good in this instance?

Or how some people really like to abuse their gums by flossing too hard to chewing on things/stabbing their gums with toothpicks and whatnot.

And how often during injuries humans won't even notice they've been hurt due to an adrenaline rush.

And don't even get me started on trying to explain bdsm.

Found on Tumblr by Unknown

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Suppose there was a species that was very peaceful, very good at diplomacy, and just generally very nice-- but they also happened to look really terrifying to humans. Sort of an opposite to that humans are cute space orcs" thing-- species X is perfectly friendly, but just happens to look like they walked out of a human horror movie.

We don't blame them for it, it's not their fault (and we're slightly too afraid to talk to them about it anyway) we just quietly avoid ships where they are stationed and stay away from areas where they live and, over time, it just becomes accepted that, for whatever reason, you don't put humans and species X together. Captains turn down human applicants if they've got a member of species X on their crew and vice versa. They barely notice that they're doing it, it's just how things are done.

Then one day a human crewed ship breaks down in species X space so that one of their ships picks up a distress signal. Being such lovely people, they offer to help and the humans can't think of a good enough excuse to refuse.

The repairs take about a week and, the whole time, the species X crew members are loving the human ship. It's so spacious, you barely even see the other crew members! (They don't realize that all the humans are constantly ducking out of the way whenever they see them coming.)

The humans, meanwhile, just spend the entire week in Hell. The species X crew members like to take shortcuts through the ventilation shafts, so you can constantly hear them skittering around above your head; the ship is full of this low key but very distinct smell -- rotting meat, the smell of death (apparently they give it off when they're happy); half of the crew have goosebumps, despite the temperature controls working perfectly.