Imagine the aliens coming to Earth and looking at our media, at the products in our stores, and all over the place they see the most oblivious warnings and disclaimers. "Caution, food will be hot," "Professional diver on closed course," " Do not attempt." And they just think that humans must be absolute idiots because who the heck needs to be told that, right?
But they don't know about human litigation.
Sure, the aliens have laws and treaties and whatnot, but what with an interstellar community and all these different races and languages, they just naturally abide by the spirit of the law, because who would want all that precise translation and finicky language and loophole abuse and obvious rule patches? Way too much work for the aliens.
So humans join the galactic community, start developing relationships and trade deals and agreeing to abide by whatever the aliens call their Geneva Convention. Everyone's happy. Until the aliens start looking a little closer at actual human behavior.
"Umm, Ambassador Joseph, we can't help but notice that your people have been making more dreadnoughts than the Isni Treaty allows. This is making us very nervous."
"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean, President Gangril. We only have four dreadnoughts."
"You registered four, but when reviewing your fleet, we found there were at least twenty?"
"The other sixteen are heavy cruisers."
"They're clearly dreadnoughts."
Joe brings out a large stack of papers. "Actually, according to the treaty, dreadnoughts are over 960 meters, and the cruisers are 890 meters long. The guns also..."
The human ambassador goes on to explain the multiple minute differences until the aliens are collectively tearing out their hair analogues and somehow human lawyers get even richer as the galactic community desperately hires them in an effort to prevent this behavior.
-Found on Tumblr by f*ckyeahrevresbo
Author's Note: I'll try to censor any inappropriate usernames, but if it is part of the story I won't change it.
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Humans Are Space Orcs
Science FictionHumans are Space Orc stories/threads from Tumblr, Reddit and many other sources. I own NOTHING! NADA! NOT A SINGLE THING! Unless specified in the beginning of the individual chapter. If you have a request to a specific story, PM me a link. Enjoy! P...
