CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
ANG sakit. Mas masakit pa sa pagkakauntog ko kahapon. Parang paulit-ulit na inihahampas sa pader ang dibdib ko. Gusto ko na lang unuwi. Gusto ko na lang bumalik sa panahong hindi ko pa siya nakikilala. I never thought I would wish that I shouldn't have met him in the first place. He was supposed to be a gem to me. But now, he turned to be a sharp stone made to stab my fragile heart.
Kinapa ko ang kwintas na nakasabit sa dibdib ko. I bought this because of him. But now, wearing it feels like I'm strangling myself. The pain's too much to handle. I can breathe no more. So I did what's best. I took the necklace off and threw it away.
I could hear his steps paused for a moment. But when I was about to open the door of our room, he finally caught me. He grabbed my arm and forced me to face him. I saw how surprised he was when he saw me crying. I felt his fingers brushed my dampen cheeks. My stupid heart started palpitating with his simple gesture. This is the reason why we should always listen to our mind rather than our hearts. Because hearts are stupid.
Bigla niya akong hinigit papunta sa isang kwartong walang laman. Madilim sa loob no'n at walang kahit anong lamang gamit. The moonlight lits the whole place by the window. I could still hear how my fragile heart cracks as the view of them being alone in a room flashed repeatedly inside my head. Why do I need to torture myself like this?
But despite my heart being shattered, it's still beating abruptly for him. Na kahit pa siguro paulit-ulit niya akong saktan, mananatili itong tumitibok para sa kaniya. That's how stupid this pumping organ is. If I could, I should have just took it out from my ribs and throw it away to ease the pain.
"I am just helping her to find her earrings. Please don't get it wrong. Nothing happened between us," he said in his low tone. I could see concern etched on his face. Ah, kaya niya pala ako sinundan kasi baka isipin kong may nangyari sa kanila. Napaismid na lang ako sa sinabi niya.
"The hell I care about you!?" I shouted uncontrollably loud at him. I could feel the tears flowing unstoppable. I could only lie at the moment. I actually care for him and I wish that he cares for me too.
He was too shocked to see how messed up I am right now. Hindi siya sumagot at tinitigan lang ako habang pilit kong pinapatahan ang sarili ko. My sobs escaped my lips and my hands were trembling as I wipe away the tears. Hinayaan ko na lang ang sarili kong umiyak at magmukhang kawawa sa harap niya.
"Why, Onyx?" He suddenly asked. I tried to face him and I met his solemn eyes. "What did I do this time?"
I can see regret in his pale orbs. But the empathic look he gave me made me cry more. I feel so weak and stupid. How many times should I let him watch me breakdown? How many more times should I show him the vulnerable me?
"You always don't have any idea," I said between sobs and sniggered. Siguro nga panahon na para malaman niya. Panahon na para ilabas ko lahat. Dapat na niyang malaman para siya na mismo ang umiwas sa akin. Ayoko nang umasa. Pigang-piga na ako. Wala na akong maibigay para sa sarili ko kasi binigay ko na lahat.
"Please tell me. I want to know," he begged. I hate him for being innocent. I hate him for being ignorant. I hate how he's all fine while I'm wrecked to the bottom. He's so unfair!
"You really wanna know?" I challenged him. I stopped myself from sobbing and raised my face to meet his eyes. He nodded at me. I heaved a sigh and took all the courage left in me. I didn't expected confessing this way.
