Love, Poetry, & Coffee

~ 16 ~

I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known. For some reason, my mind keeps singing Green Day as I walk back home. It's not even relevant to my situation right now. For starters, the road I'm walking on have so much people-who interestingly have phones near their ear-is this the business side of the road? The second statement is somehow true, since this is the only road I know to get back home.

Glancing up the gloomy sky, perhaps rain will soon pour down or maybe not and the heaven just decided to look sad. A quite thick layer of clouds masked the partial part of a sun, filling the road with little faint sunshine. A cool, restful shady world with light filtering quite lazily through the cumulus clouds seems like a sign of some sort. Some people may follow the where the sunshine breaks through the thick clouds. A sign to where they should be going to move forward in their life, and yet, I didn't budge on my tracks.

Signs from the universe trickle in as a soothing lullaby for a little baby. They get people through their own life. They get people from today safely into the next day, yet there are times when they come as a flood triggering significant signs from the treacherous past, weaving them together as a warning of change, of another blessing, another curse, another duty-perhaps a little of fun too. Today, may have been a flood of signs for other people. A total flood that may overwhelm others. I can't tell what is to come in other people's life at this point, only that it is a harbinger of great struggles with little great joy, and thus great opportunity awaits them too. The universe will align those heroes for battle, the rest is a collaboration between the universe and people. The future outcome is unwritten for them, but for this moment, it's what happens today counts as today.

Does that even makes sense? I don't know anymore, my mind have reached its limit of thinking. I don't believe in signs or something. Since I'm quite an overthinker, I would just have a mild mental breakdown whether or not I should follow the signs that have given to me. My conscience keeps on fighting each other on what's good for me or what will destroy me, and most of the time, my conscience keeps leaning towards the thing that can destroy me.

Self-sabotaging is one of my hobbies in life, along with torturing myself. It's a great way to pass the extra time in my life. It's also a great, unhealthy way to have character development. Speaking of character development, it interests me that there are people whom character development is based on their physical appearance. There are men who focus their change through working-out in the gym, then there are women who usually is in either dying their hair or cutting it short. The astonishing part of that is, both men and women can do the same way, men can dye or cut their hair and women can go to the gym for character development. The problem with that is, they just focus on their physical development, there's no mental nor emotional development that's happening in those processes.

The only way I could think of a mental and emotional development is to see a professional therapist. I feel all of my muscles stiffen at the thought, and with an automatic response, one of my hands digs down in my pockets then retrieve a familiar card. Kate's business card. A professional therapist business card is in the grasp of my-for some reason-shaky hands. I don't think it's time for me to visit her, nor I'm ready to do so. But there's still something amazing about knowing I can just visit anytime I need to fix my mental and emotional development. With a heavy sigh, I slowly slip the card back in my pocket and continue my way back home.

After a beat moment, I'm finally close to my apartment complex. When I finally turn towards the corner, the corners of my lips quirk up slightly at the sight of Kate disposing the bouquet of flowers and a number of balloons with a writing "I'm sorry". Seems like Zach is quite desperate to take her back, huh? I wonder what Kate's thinking when she sees all of these cheesy things in front of her apartment. I find myself strolling towards her with a smile, "Seems like lover boy wants you back."