Love, Poetry, & Coffee

~ 2 ~

I don't know the difference of me being in a rush to go get coffee from the Café around the block and me walking back to my apartment building. Granted, earlier this morning I've been in a rush to get coffee that I didn't have time to really give in the sweet morning feeling, but now, ever since I drank my coffee, I've practically halted my body on every wonderful thing that had happened in the blue heaven above. Like just a simple flock of birds flapping their wings across the morning sky. That definitely made me stop in my tracks since it was music for my already-woken eyes, the birds moving in choreographed melody across the sky. I mean, who wouldn't want to just stop and stare at the white heaven-bound birds, gliding as free souls of the Earth. In each wing-given arc they were the tips or a conductor's wand, a visionary music for both the eyes and soul.

Sighing softly under my breath, why does everything around me so beautiful, but I can't seem to find the inspiration to those beautiful images. Pondering silently to myself the answer to my own problem, but I can't seem to find the correct words to even answer my own question.

I dive my hand into my pocket to snatch my phone and-something that's not in my pocket. I'm planning on listening to music to distract myself from the complicated questions that my mind have been throwing at me, but it seems like that's not an option because I must have forgotten to bring my earphones. It hurts a bit in my chest, knowing that I couldn't romanticize my walk back home and drown out the thoughts inside my head. Well, at least I got to listen to the free podcast inside my head. A well-created podcast that can give a person an existential crisis. I could try distracting myself with my phone, but that's quite dangerous, especially when I'm walking back home.

I've already had my coffee, so the topic of death earlier this morning had already been drowned out by the remarkable taste of that Espresso. So now, I can be quite reasonable with my thoughts when it comes to that kind of topic. Only coffee can help me put my thoughts in order, without it, it would be like a garbage land that's burning, and the smoke is slowly corrupting my thoughts. Thank God I've already had my coffee, or I would have been so blinded by my thoughts that I didn't see the car as I pass the street. For instance, like what happened right now, I almost got hit by a BMW but thanks to my woken-mind, I didn't get ran over.

After that close accident, I'm finally in front of my apartment building. Digging my hand in my pocket for my phone, checking the time on the screen as I curse under my breath. It's too early for me to be back here. Too early to have yet another talk with the demons in my head. I force my whole body to enter the building, feeling like I'm walking on a patch of quick-sand with every step I take. On the outside, I may look like a normal person walking, but on the inside, I'm secretly struggling to walk like I'm some kind of toddler learning how to use my feet.

Look, mom and dad! I'm learning how to walk like a helpless toddler all over again.

Snarling under my breath as another obstacle puts me in a halt, in front of me a metallic elevator door and to the side of it, there's the flight of stairs. Walking inside the building really felt like I just ran a never-ending marathon all around the world, but if that's the case, I would have been somewhere around top 30 and collapses midway. Now imagine using those flight of stairs. Glancing at the elevator door, thinking to myself, I should take the stairs since I prefer not to trap myself in my room just yet. Plus, I'm pretty sure there's a possibility of me having a small talk to whoever that would join me in the elevator. So, I rather torture myself by climbing 5 sets of stairs than socializing to my building neighbors.

This would have been easy and less torturous if it wasn't too early for me to go back home, but it seems like I'm a masochist. Giving myself a mental note about taking my time tomorrow so that I won't experience this all over again, and also bring my earphones next time.