Love, Poetry, & Coffee

~ 24 ~

"You know, I haven't found out about your past relationship." She pushes her lips in a pout. What's with her and pouting today? It feels like I've dated a-childish adult. I was about to say a child, but that feels wrong out of context. Even though it's only in my mind, It still sounds god awful.

"Why would you want to know about my past relationships?" As if there are any for me to share with you, I mutter softly under my breath. Relationships are a two-way portal, something based in love and trust. So, I try my best to have a less talk about relationships with people. I have this thing where I think people as a factor in the relationship environment that has either a positive or negative impact on a psychology, brain chemistry and thoughts. "I mean, if you somehow hoped that I was in a relationship with a celebrity, to their photographed stars of stage and screen, you're being delusional, Sarah, and I advise you to go to a doctor."

A smile escapes from her pouty expression as she tries not to melt down on the puddle of laughter that's building inside of her. After a beat, she waves her hands around, proving my point of the being delusional. "Maybe, but how would I know if you were in a relationship with a car, with food, or any other non-living thing?"

She does have a point, still I wouldn't want to talk about my relationships since I don't have any besides her. Continuing on this thought we're shockingly sharing at each other-it's been a while since we did that-in truth people have relationships with themselves, with their own inner feelings and are things that alter their hormonal balance or brain chemistry in some way. I'm no brain doctor or any professional when it comes to this kind of stuff-heck, I'm just a writer who did a lot of research in his life instead of writing-it's quite clear that a relationship is a two-way portal. A person can have a relationship with another person in real life, or with an animal-nothing sexual though because that's way different-and perhaps with nature itself. Yet if there are no reciprocal love, a person is completely alone, and it's better for them to know it, so they can become a solid person in connection with their own feelings, not some liquid that really depends on a medium to have a full shape, or a gas that's just flying around aimlessly until someone trap them. A solid one that's in control of themselves, and able to seek something genuine and good.

"In all honesty, I don't have any relationship, besides you, in my life." I choose to be honest rather than to brag something that's not true, since that's just sad and immoral.

"Oh, really?" She sounds genuinely surprised by my answer. Did she just assume I'm full of relationship story? If so, that stings a bit. "I just thought, from the way you approach me with love in your eyes, you've done something like it in the past."

From the way you approach me, that part stuck out the most. It sounds as if it's just a one-way relationship that depends on my action. Or perhaps I'm just overthinking this. Overthinking is my strong trait, so maybe. But what's more confusing is, what was up with me when I decided to approach her? After all this time, I haven't found the answer to that question. I genuinely love her, but in what reason?

***

So, we're really doing this? I mean, I'm really doing this in front of them with their wide grins on their faces? If I should have known about the universe conspiring against me once I've stepped in this therapy session, I would have not come here in the first place. Well, there's no turning back now, and neither does these two. "What do you guys want to know about my love path?" There's a tight strain in my voice, but clearly, they didn't mind it at all.

"Let's start with the past and work our way up to the present," Spencer clasps his hands together in excitement while Kate just slowly shakes her head at Spencer's suggestion.