Love, Poetry, & Coffee

~ 21 ~

A distant shuffling of paper distracts me from staring intently to the computer screen. Don't tell me there's a rat somewhere in the apartment that's eating papers? I slowly push my chair away from the computer desk and follow the sound to investigate. When I reach the living room, a sigh of relief releases from my mouth. Well, it's not a rat, but it's something bigger than that. It's just Sarah kneeled down as she's shuffling something in the little drawer under the hanging TV.

"What are you looking for?" I cross my arms to her as I raise an eyebrow.

When she turns her head to face me, a mischievous grin is printed on her soft face. "Look what I found," She waves a piece of paper.

I couldn't see what's written on it, so in result, I have to approach her and kneel down right next to her. When I got closer, she delicately hands me the paper she was holding. I hold up in front of my face to read what's on it, and to my surprise it's the words I've written on a secret admirer I wrote in the past. "How did you find this?" When I glance down at her lap, I figured it's not just this, there are much more she had found. "I mean, these stuff?" Well, she found it in the drawer under the TV. Blame my observation skills.

She chuckles softly, "Well, after I drank my coffee, I suddenly have a memory of you writing anonymous letters to me." She glances down at the piles of papers on her lap. I didn't even remember writing these until she showed me one. "Care to read one out loud?"

Like an automatic response, I find myself shaking my head back and forth. "There's no need for that-"

"You shine brightly as the morning sun after I wake up staring into my window..." And of course, she reads one out loud, disregarding my denial to the act. Might as well sit here and listen how I use stupid words to her in the past. I could just stand up here and go back to the screen on my computer. I don't have much courage to face this humiliation, even though it's just the two of us here. "A moon is much more perfect for your demeanor. Sarah is a name for a person who has the soul of a blazing hot sun, but a calming moon might be the perfect one for you. The moon to my Sarah, how I gladly love to see you shine in the night."

If I remember correctly, that's the end of the letter. With a sigh of relief, she places the paper down with the rest. Before she could lift one more paper, I hold out her hand to prevent her from reading one again. "That's enough... Please?" It was not my intention to sound harsh and cold, but the please at the end of that statement sound more of a plea than commanding.

She tilts her head to the side as if studying my facial features. "But why? This is the most excitement I've felt reading your words on a paper." Okay, that's just soul crushing on how she phrase that. Didn't she mean that kind of stupid writing is the best I could do? With a sigh breaking the silence between us, she delicately places the papers back to the drawer and stood up like she hasn't said anything that can break my passion.

I stare at her as she goes on and make another cup of coffee. Did she really mean that? Surely, I'm just overthinking this and finding a way to self-sabotage this relationship. Shaking my head lightly, I stare back to the drawers where those letters were stored. The words don't sound good enough for me, but she said it's the most excitement she ever felt reading it. Is that the best I can do? Am I the problem why the words I spill on the paper looks stupid because I'm not good enough?

***

Of all the things my mind can reminisce, it's that one? I should stop replaying the past in my mind whenever I'm bored and got nothing to think of. Turning my attention to the clock, it's almost 10. I've been sitting here what feels like an hour, waiting for the mystery girl to have her daily tea. I should find something that can occupy my mind before more part memory waltz into my vision.