Love, Poetry, & Coffee

~ 17 ~

I honestly didn't know why I expected a lot once I enter my own threshold. The piles of papers are still here, and it probably didn't move an inch from their original spot. I wonder when will I have the energy to clean up all these messes. Shrugging lightly, I make my way towards my bedroom. Making sure not to ruin the piles of papers lying around the apartment. If I'm ignorant enough, I might convince myself that those are souvenirs that will remind me of my failure. See, something positive from something negative, I think.

I finally made my way to my bedroom and... What am I supposed to do in here again? Glancing around, I know that I won't be trying to write something. That's a hard pass for now, especially when still trying to figure out myself. When my eyes rest on my wardrobe, the thought that occur to me is, shower. Yeah, that was what I'm supposed to do I here. Take some clean clothes and ready myself to take a shower. I heard taking a shower can wash off the weariness of a person, since I've fallen asleep two times within a day-which is quite unusual for me-might as well wash off the rest of my tiredness before I've fallen asleep for the third time this day.

See, I'm smart, I can take care of myself. Well, for now, though, I'm pretty sure I'll do something impulsive soon enough. Since I'm going to take a shower, should I risk listening to some music that soon will make me have another mental breakdown in the shower or nah? Staring intently towards the direction to my bathroom, I'm having a hard time contemplating my decision here. It's better to have some background music instead of my hearing senses focusing on the water droplets against my bare skin, and I'm certain that will obviously give me some existential crisis. Shower with music it is then.

Reaching in my pocket for my phone, I wander my body towards the bathroom. What will be the music that will soon give me a mental breakdown while cold water rush against my tired skin? I scroll around my Spotify playlist until I found my shower playlist. Stripping my shirt and stepping out of my dirty clothes, I have a feeling that I will again regret pressing shuffle on my playlist. Well, it beats sitting here for an hour until I found my desired music, I guess. I press the shuffle and lay the phone on top of the sink as I turn on the cold shower.

As the instrumentals kick in my ears, I already know the title of the song, December by Neck Deep. Well, I can't change the song right now, since I wouldn't want to risk my wet fingers press on my phone. Even though it's waterproof, I still wouldn't risk it. The acoustic of the song makes me want to play my guitar. A guitar that's lost somewhere in that piles of papers in the living room. I remember playing that guitar for a certain someone who I definitely will not try to remember during my time in the shower. Makes me wonder what does it feel like to play my guitar to a special someone again. Giving myself a mental shake, I need to focus on the task at hand, which is taking a decent shower.

The song ain't so bad, I don't feel any mental breakdown coming. Unlike last time, that makes me forget my phone in the bathroom. That's quite a traumatic experience, but the past is in the past-even if that past still haunts me. I just have to focus on the song instead of my own thoughts. Speaking of song and music, I should absolutely ask Aileen if they take suggestion from customers. I would like to suggest something about adding a soft music in the Café. Especially acoustic music, that sounds suiting to a Café. Giving back my attention to the song, it's certainly been a long lonely December for me too. Though it's not December yet, it's certainly been a long lonely insert any month here for me.

Sighing, I decided to put my focus on the shower since I'm just here standing, heads down, while cold water penetrate my bare skin. The cold water comes as a piercing cascade, as if I am somewhere in the middle of Antarctica. I love taking a cold shower since shower water comes as perfect rain, cold and steady, awakening the tiredness in my skin in all the perfects ways. Cold water is the most efficient thief of heat I know. It takes what it does not need. The soothing flow of water beneath my feet will be just as icy as walking in a walk-in freezer barefooted, yet my blood will be almost frozen in my veins. The water surges around my bare skin, descending down my head towards the rest of my body. It does not bother that at this low temperature, my muscles will give up. In the middle of it all, the shower water runs freely and easy. I wish I could just stay here all day in its glacial cocoon, but there's still some time left for this day to be over.