Love, Poetry, & Coffee

~ 19 ~

Hailing a cab is for lazy people who don't want to walk, and I'm that lazy people. I should have hailed for a cab because walking with two medium plastic bags in hand is a terrible idea. In my defense, I thought this would be a fast trip to the supermarket, and it will be the same as walking back to my apartment. Apparently, my legs is slowly giving up on me once I exited out the supermarket. Walking around the whole supermarket was the thing that made my legs feel tired. But I'm too prideful to hail a cab to help with my exhaustion. So, here we are, slowly making my way back to my apartment.

Jeremy, if you're alive, I would have taught you how to carry a plastic bag. Sadly, you're just a stuff toy. A derby stuff toy, that is. Well, at least you're here to keep my sanity intact. Can't wait to bring you home to my paper land, Jeremy.

Yeah, I'm talking to an inanimate object, no surprise there. Gazing at the road ahead of me, I let out a sigh. This will be a long, long walk back home. I can't wait to get back home, eat some instant noodles-I prefer not to have another stomach-ache episode-then go to a deep slumber. It's been a long day, for me, at least. At least I did some stuff that's somehow therapeutic. Cleaning the fridge, and roam around the supermarket. Ironically, I have that much energy to do both, but can't put myself to clean my whole apartment.

Staring back at the contents of the plastic bags in my hand, there's this adorable coffee-stained colored paper I've found. When I saw this thing, half of my brain thought this will be a perfect paper to write a love letter in a Café. The other half is arguing that I'll just use this one time and never again, a waste of money. The half of brain that thought about making love letter for the mystery woman seems to be the strong whisper instead of the other half. A love letter to a mystery woman, quite cliché, but it's somehow poetic.

A poetic scene for a woman, as beautiful as a poetry. That's being an optimistic, but being a pessimistic, it will be something like: a dramatic scene for a woman as beautiful as seeing death with open arms.

I typically don't believe in love at first sight, but there's something about this makes me want to believe it. Love is a strong word for me to describe what it is. Who am I to describe the feeling of love anyway? Although, something about seeing her makes my whole body feel warmth like not other hot coffee-or a person-can do in years. I remember people explaining that love feels like a warm soup flowing around your body. Perhaps, this is love? I don't know, I want to avoid being too bold about it since I barely even know the woman. I ain't some prince in a Disney movie who just married the princess within an instant. Elsa can understand me. Elsa might be the only Disney princess that's rational when it comes to love.

Instead of love, perhaps it's just a strong feeling of appreciation. Appreciation towards her indescribable soul. I could just appreciate it from a distance, but my soul screams to get closer. I also don't believe in soulmates. It might be the bitterness talking, but I really don't believe the soulmates have this invincible string that is attached between both souls. That might sound like a great romance movie, but it sounds absurd to me. Maybe this is the reason why I can't think of a great novel, I don't believe in absurdity things. Might as well write a non-fiction then if that's the case.

After a moment of realization, I have a crush on a mystery girl in the Café. There is just something in the way she smiles that reminds me of my better self. There is something so pure about her when she's in my vicinity. Perhaps there's a distinct difference between obsession and having a crush. Obsession can be seen as an unhealthy thing to have and can be purely sexual, but if that obsession and pure love combined, all goodness will come, for in real romance the two souls belong to each other.

I guess people call it crush because it can feel so crushing when we see the actions of the other, or imagines actions, as reflections on our deepest and most valuable self. In truth, that kind of crushing is self-inflicted, as tough as that is to accept. Chances are, a person have a crush on the other person because they have been kind to them because they offered them hope and a sense of warmth. Sometimes people are simply starving for any sweetness at all, and so we cling to any emotional sugar source we could find. The best thing a person can do is offer the sweetness in return, repay kindness with kindness. If they fall in love with the other person, then they have the start of something real, a real relationship, a real love. If not, then they can simply be proud of how they handled themselves and realize that the person they have a crush on is still their friend, still a person who cares about them. So, basically, the whole "crush" thing is just a "tight hug", a sense of reaffirmation from the other soul.