How I Leave You

The Heart of the Mountain

"You are the most beautiful creature I have ever laid my eyes upon."

Barely have I gotten on my dress when Thorin's words reach me. I turn around towards him, finding him on his throne, his chin resting on his fist as he observes me.

"Yes," I say, pulling my arms through the sleeves of the gown, "that is our deadliness. That we attract those who might risk their life for the chance of our touch, however brief."

"Will you be the death of me, then, siren?"

He says it with a smirk on his face, but when I feel the heaviness of the Arkenstone, my heart drops. Drops at the thought of the conversation we will have. Or, of the confrontation, rather.

"Of course." I make my way towards him. "I would have it no other way."

"I would die a thousand times if it were by your hands, woman."

I see the invitation in his eyes. Accepting it, I take a seat on his lap, removing a strand of silver hair from his face.

"Once should suffice, I believe."

"With you, once should never be enough."

He leans in to kiss me then, except that the kiss is nothing like it has been before. There is no hunger this time. No rush. Only the gentle touch of his lips against mine. My hands against his chest. The way it moves with every breath. How I wish I might bottle this moment up and wear it as perfume when I am alone in Rhûn, and my time with Thorin is no longer made of anything but memories.

"My jewel," he whispers, pulling away from the kiss.

There is something in his eyes that I cannot quite decipher. It is as though the reflection he sees of me somehow shines brighter, more golden. More grandiose.

His hand cups my cheek. "Of all my treasures, you are the one I hold dearest."

It should have started a fire in me, his compliment. But I have seen the damage a fire can do. Seen the ruin its flames might cause.

I withdraw from his touch, wince at his words.

"What is the matter, my diamond?"

My brows furrow. "Why do you look at me like I'm a possession to protect?"

"Because you should be protected. At all costs."

"I'm perfectly capable of protecting myself."

"Like when I needed to call upon the aid of an elf to save you from poison?"

When I draw back this time, it's in surprise more than scorn.

"...What? You were the one who got Tauriel to Laketown?"

He does not answer this. He does not have to.

"You were dying, Ilwien. Never have I felt so powerless. The thought--" He looks away, his jaw clenched. "The thought of losing you... Never will I feel such agony again." When he looks at me again, it's with gold-lust in his eyes. "You are my crown jewel. My golden maiden."

I withdraw from his lap. His words, they remind me of what the Goblin King told me. A nausea spreads at the thought.

"I am no maiden," I manage between my teeth, scared of my own repulsion. "And if you continue speaking of me like that, I shall certainly never be yours, either."

"But you are already mine. Don't you see? You are the only one I can trust." Suddenly, his gaze darkens. He darkens. "A member of my company is lying to me. Stealing from me."

The heaviness of the object in my pocket. It weighs me down until I fear I might fall to the floor and beg for forgiveness.

But I stand my ground.