Mistake of a Heartbeat

Heartbeat 14

I know he got some insecurities on Ariana but I want him to know that if I want a certain person, I only focus on that, and that person is him. I don't even understand myself on how or why am I so attracted to him, sometimes I think that this is just a phase but as time goes by, it goes deeper and deeper.

I understand how he reacts to the situation because it's his first time to be dating in the same sex, so am I. I'm older so I need to be the one who understands more and I dragged him into this.

Days passed by and we didn't talk much because he got busier in school and me at work. One day Sebastian texted me for us to meet from a nearby restaurant in their school and I immediately said yes to it.

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Pumasok ako sa restaurant kung saan makikipagkita ako kay Damien. We didn't talk for days and I want to meet him today to talk about us. I ordered and waited for him.

Dumating na ang order ko pero hindi pa ito dumarating, maybe traffic or so. But after a while eh dumating na ito na seryoso ang itsura.

"Sorry I'm late, got stuck in the traffic," Aniya.

"Let's stop this thing going on with us," Pambungad ko and I saw how his face stoop down in disappointment. And when he looked at me, I saw a hint of pain passed through his eyes and that pained me too. Damn.

"Why? Are you uncomfortable with the situation?" He asked. Shit, I can't even look straight on him, I feel so guilty! His eye looked like a puppy who got scolded.

"No, I just don't feel like it," I know that all the things he made me feel was sincere and true. I just don't see it this way and I can't even understand myself!

"You mean same sex relationship?" Tanong niya at tumango lang ako't yumuko.

"At first, I can't understand myself either. But I want to try it because it's new and it hit so hard on me. You, you made me feel this way but if you're not ready with this then it's okay with me," Sabi nito and it made me shiver. I don't understand myself. I want him but I'm scared, though he gives me the security I need.

"I'm sorry, Damien. I think my mind's a mess. Maybe it's not yet the time?" Sabi ko.

"Maybe. Do you still have something to say?"

"Uh wala na. I think you're busy. You can go, you're free," Sabi ko then he said goodbye, stood up and went out the restaurant.

Tama ba ang ginawa ko? I am attracted to him yet I let him go that easy just because I'm not comfortable with Ariana. I mean I saw them kissing in his penthouse before, talking to her at 2am and lastly, saw them in a restaurant but with Isaiah. And I just concluded that they brought Isaiah with them to cover up. I'm stupid, I know.

I went home drain and doesn't feel like eating or going out of the room anytime soon. I felt so guilty on what I did. Maybe he'll look for other boy or a girl the next day or so kapalit ko, ay hindi niya pala kailangan maghanap dahil sila na mismo ang lumalapit sa kanya. Damn!

I dialled Jeff's number to ask if I did a piece of shit because of dumping Damien.

Jeffrey Tan

0929*******

Calling...

After two rings, he answered already. "Bakit antagal mo sumagot? Busy ka ba?" Pambungad ko.

"Sorry na, nagpapalit ako ng damit. At bakit parang natataranta ka, ah?"

"I dumped Damien," Sabi ko at bigla siyang natahimik.

"Ano?!" Sigaw nito nang naproseso ang sinabi ko. "Why the hell did you dumped him?! Are you crazy?!"

"I'm not, I just don't feel like it. He looks so hard and a womanizer," Sagot ko.