Tides Change

An Ocean (D)

You felt waves of anxiety crashing down on you, were you going to be okay with this?
You felt your chest tighten, and silent tears began to form in your eyes.
"(y/n)? " Damien questioned.
It hit you,
The panic crashed down like the ocean  in a storm.
You gasped for air.
You were having an anxiety attack.
This was too much. Everything is too much. Between Wes, Damien, shayne, the wedding, Tia... Your ex.
You lost it. The composure you'd been holding onto this whole time. It all broke down with you.
"can I hug you?" you heard Damien ask softly.
You could do nothing but nod and sob and gasp for air as he pulled you close and wrapped his arms around you.
He rubbed gentle circles on your back "let's breathe together."
-
_
_
You locked yourself in the bathroom after a few minutes of sobbing on the couch.
You turned the shower on and crawled into your tub, letting the water soak through your hair, your clothes, your soul.
You hadn't bothered taking off your clothes,
It was too much work right now.
You tried focusing on your breathing.
That was too much right now.
You closed your eyes, still hyperventilating.
No, you were okay with this.
Totally okay with this.
Except you weren't.
You didn't want to go to some dumb wedding,
You especially didn't want to buy a dress that you didn't want to wear as a plus one to somebody that hurt you so badly.
You weren't going to go.
You breathed in now, shakey, but starting to collect yourself.
You let out a gurgled sob again, allowing yourself to break again.
You weren't going to just trust Damien to take you to a wedding to announce you were dating yet,
You weren't.
You wanted to start at square one again, friends.
You breathed in again, and out, in counts of threes and sevens.
A small whimper escaped your throat, but you weren't hyperventilating anymore, and your clothes stuck to your skin and distracted you from your thoughts. You peeled them off and plopped them next to you in the tub as the warm shower water ran over your now bare skin.
You sucked in another long breath of air.
No, you and Damien were just friends again, but he was done with Tia. You were going to start again. But slower, and more cautiously.
You stayed like that for however long you felt like. You allowed yourself to lose track of time.
You needed it.
You needed that breakdown.
Sometimes it's okay to lose it,
Lose control,
And lose composure.
You reminded yourself,
Because that means you're human and healing.
And healing is two steps forwards, one step backwards.
And sometimes that step backwards is needed.
You sighed and turned the water off, grabbing a clean towel as you began to dry off.

You were not okay with this.
But you will be, eventually.