Love Yourself As Much As I Do (Patrick Stump- Fall Out Boy fanfic)

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Claire's point of view

I slowly start to wake up and the first thing I see: white.

"Oh god am I dead," I say with my voice cracking. I didn't realize there would be a response,

"No, no you're not, thank god you're awake," I hear Pete's voice.

"Pete?" i ask.

"Yeah, yeah it's me," He says, walking over to me with a big smile.

"Where is everyone?" I ask.

"They're all down in the cafeteria getting lunch. Patrick would be in here but he hasn't left the room since they allowed visitors and I told him he should take a break. Man he's going to be pissed when he finds out you woke up when he wasn't here," He laughs.

I laugh too and try to sit up but I felt a sharp pain shoot through my shoulder. I grunt and look over at my shoulder and see a large bandage wrapped around it.

"Be careful, try not to move so much," Pete says. "Well I'll be right back, I should probably tell the doctor you're awake," He smiles.

I nod and smile back. He turns and walks out the room and I just get a chance to sit there in silence and look around, even though there was almost little to nothing there anyway. I look down at my arms, remembering what I had done to them before. I saw bandages wrapped around them. I hoped the other's hadn't seen it.

I pull my arm close to my eyes so I could get a better look at it 'cause what else was there to do?

Suddenly Patrick walks quickly through the door with a huge smile on his face.

"Claire, you're awake," He whispers, more to himself than me.

I smile weakly. I had so many questions I wanted to ask but I felt it wasn't the time.

"How are you?" he asks, pulling a chair up to the right side of the bed.

"Fine... Just tired."

He nods. There was a silence until he finally said, "When were you going to tell me?"

"Tell you about what?" I ask.

He doesn't say anything, just raises my arm up to show me where my bandages were that were covering my cuts.

I felt my heart drop. I saw the pain in his eyes and it was killing me.

"I'm sorry..." I whisper.

"No, don't be sorry. Please. I just wish you would have told me," He says calmly. I saw his eyes get watery.

"I don't even know why I-I did it... I just- I was so worked up and it as after Jason texted me and-"

"Wait Jason texted you?" Patrick cuts in.

".. Yeah he - he told me that he was coming to that con- to that concert and if I told anyone you would get hurt," I felt my voice crack majorly.

Patrick sighs and closes his eyes, "Claire I wish you wouldn't worry about me so much when it's you that you should be worrying about."

"And why would I worry about myself?" I ask.

"Why wouldn't you?"

"Because maybe I don't want to. Maybe I hate myself. Maybe I wish that bullet hit me in the head instead of my damn shoulder!" I shout. I didn't mean to get that far. Everything was so emotional and I wish I could just stop.

"Claire, stop, don't think like that..."

"I can't help it," I say quietly, feeling tears coming out. "I've felt like this forever now. I hate myself so much. I feel like I can't do anything right and that I'm a dissapointment to everyone. But not as big as a dissapointment as I am to myself. I let myself down everyday, I think too much, I always think about cutting and god just... Just wanting to end it all," I begin to feel myself choke up even more. "I worry about you because I don't hate you," I smile weakly, "I love you."

I didn't mean to say that outloud. I just kind of happened. I almost regretted it until Patrick's surprised face turned into a loving one.

"I love you too," He whispers. He leans in over to me and softly places his lips on mine. we pull back for a second, just to look at each other's eyes for a moment before he moved in again, kissing me a little rougher. It wasn't as good as the first few times, but that's only because I'm stuck in a hospital bed.

We finally release each other and just smile.

"Claire," Patrick says quietly, holding my hand, "I'm going to teach you to love yourself just as much as I do. I promise that."

I laugh and kiss him one more time before everyone starts coming in.

"Finally found the doctor," Pete sighs, pointing over his shoulder to the guy in the long white jacket.

"Hello, Claire, I'm Dr. Smith. How are you feeling?" He asks, walking over to the side of my bed. I felt Patrick's hand tense around mine like he was trying to make me feel like I can say how I feel.

I'm sorry patrick, but I can't say how I feel.

"I feel fine," I say quietly. I felt patrick loosen his grip. Not sure if he was disappointed or not.

"Well that's nice to hear," Dr. Smith says, placing a clipboard on the end of my bed. "We should be having you home soon," He smiles assuringly before walking out the door.

Home. funny word. Something I grew up not understanding. I remembered home as the place I never wanted to go back to. No mother, just a horrible father that cared little about me. Only one friend that actually cared for me, all the other's were just... black holes. Always left me alone in my hard times. Liz always seemed like the star light that drove away darkness. Now it isn't just her, it's also Patrick, Pete, Joe, and Andy.

Now, I feel, they're my home.

This chapter is a little emotional because you know, my emotions are kind of poured into it but yeah

Hope you're enjoying