Love Yourself As Much As I Do (Patrick Stump- Fall Out Boy fanfic)

I'm Not Okay

*Quick trigger warning in this chapter*

"Morning Claire," Pete says as I step out of Patrick's bunk with my hair tussled and my eyes glassy. I suddenly didn't feel good, I wasn't sure if it was because of all the things that have been going on stressing me out or if I was actually getting sick.

"Morning," I croak back.

"Woah you don't sound so good," Liz says from Pete's side.

"I don't feel so great either," I mumble.

"Well our next concert isn't for a couple days so at least we can rest and just hang out for a while," Andy says.

I just nod and look around the room. Patrick and Elisa weren't here.

"Where's Patrick and Elisa?" I ask.

Joe looks at me like I don't want to know. "Where," I repeat.

"They went out to 'reconnect' or whatever Elisa said..." Liz answers.

I felt my heart crumble. What was all that talk about loving me last night? Not to worry? Well too late, I'm worrying. He just went out on a date with his ex girlfriend, what am I not supposed to worry about?

I choke back tears as everyone looks at me with sympathetic eyes.

"Are you okay?" Liz asks calmly.

I pause for a minute, trying to hold back memories and feelings that decided to flood my head suddenly.

"No. I'm not okay. I'm not okay," I repeat over and over again as I turn and run into the bathroom.

I slam the door and look in the mirror. The first thing I see is Jason standing behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders with his demonic smile on. I jump and turn rapidly to see nothing there. Great, now I'm seeing things. I'm going crazy. Claire, you're crazy.

Stop it.

No.

I bite my lip hard and yank at my hair as I pace the bathroom. What's happening to me? Why am I such an over reactor? He could really just be talking to her, not making out or anything like that... could he? For all I know, Elisa could be all over him at this very moment.

I gasp back a sob and suddenly hear knock on the door.

"Claire? Claire, open the door," Liz's voice comes through the door.

I don't reply, just slump on the toilet seat while gripping my hair tighter.

"Claire, please, listen to me, open the door."

I ignore her and jerk open the cabinet door, searching for the razor packet.

Don't do it.

Do it.

I throw stuff around and I finally find it. I grab it with shaky fingers. I almost couldn't find the top through my blurry vision.

My head was so clouded with memories and thoughts. what's happening? I find out Patrick is out with Elisa and I'm doing this? I guess I just feel like I can't trust anyone anymore.

I grab the razor and unconsciously glide it across my arm, one. Two. Three. Four.

"Claire, Please," Liz says again, her voice cracking.

"Open the door!" Pete shouts. Suddenly I hear everyone yelling through. Probably scared because I haven't said anything back. I still ignore it and proceed.