Love Yourself As Much As I Do (Patrick Stump- Fall Out Boy fanfic)

The Text

We lay on the couch, my head on Patrick's chest and his hand massaging my hair. It was nice just sitting there in silence, listening to our breathing. It was nice to not think about... Stuff.

Suddenly the door barges open and the first thing I see is Liz running to me with a big smile. She jerks me off Patrick and pulls me into a hug.

"Claire oh my god I love you so much," she says in my ear.

I laugh and say, "I love you too, Liz."

We release and I see the awkwardness in everyone's eyes, probably because they just walked in on me and Patrick cuddling but I didn't care.

"So how was bowling?" Patrick asks, sitting up on the edge of the couch.

"Ugh man that was awful," everyone says.

"What? I thought it was fun!" Joe says.

"What about you two? Did you guys have fun?" Liz smiles.

I blush and I look over at Patrick who was blushing too.

"Yeah we had fun actually," I said with a blank expression.

Everyone just laughs while Patrick and I sit quietly, smiling at each other.

"Well anyway, the bus should be leaving any minute now, just so y'all know," Joe says.

I nod and get up to check my phone out of habit. When I look at the screen, I felt my knees get weak. I nearly drop my phone.

'Hey babe, It's me. Thought you should know I'm coming back for you. Expect me at the next concert. Oh and you might not want to tell anyone otherwise, your little Patrick will get hurt.'

I gulp and quickly delete the message and put my phone down. How the hell did he do that? I thought I blocked him! I don't make any eye contact while walking into the bathroom.

I lock the door and let a tear slip. I walk to the mirror and look at myself. I watch the tears fall and I watch how my breathing and blinking increase. I look at my hair and how it was so long it reached to my lower back. I look at how my green eyes glisten with the tears.

What am i doing here? Why am I here? What good am I possibly adding to this. Ever since I showed up, my problems have been made their problems. Maybe it wouldn't be such a problem if I wasn't here.

Claire, stop it you know not to think like that.

But it's true.

'But it's true' my ass!

I slam my hand on the counter and fall to the floor in sobs. I was terrified of what was going to happen. I can't tell anyone or Patrick will get hurt. I can't hurt him, not again, not after what I did to make Elisa leave him.

My back was against some cabinets and I turn to open one. I look around till I finally see the box of razors. A tear falls when I grab it and rip it open.

It's been so long since I've done this.

I grip the razor and hold it shakily to my wrist. I slowly glide it across my skin and wince a little at the pain. The blood swelled up and after doing it a few more times, I stuck my arm under the sink and rinsed it off.

I dap it until it finally was clean enough to not bleed through my shirt.

I pull up my sleeve and slump down on the toilet seat, sobbing into my hands. I instantly regretted it. I always hated doing it yet it felt like the pain went away and formed again on something else.

I stand up and clench my fists, walking back to the mirror. I look again at my red face and tears down my cheeks. I hated it. I hated my face, I hated my body, I hated me. I couldn't look anymore. I wiped away the tears and took a few deep breaths before walking back out. "I'm going to bed," I say without making eye contact and walking into my bunk.

Patrick's point of view

Okay something is definitely up.

I look at the others who were just looking at me like I should do something.

"What? Liz, why don't you go help, she knows you better," I say.

"Just because we know each other better doesn't mean she'll tell me. I think you should go," she smiles.

I sigh and get up, walking over to the door. I knock then try the knob. It was locked.

"Claire? You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine," she says quietly through the door.

"I know something's up, it's obvious, I mean why else would you lock the door?" I say.

Suddenly the door opens and I see her smile.

"See? Fine."

I sigh and look at her in disappointment. "You know I want you to tell me anything that's wrong."

"Yeah, I know. But nothing's wrong."

"You sure?"

She doesn't say anything, just leans up and kisses me, slowly but short. I have to say, it did make me shut up.

She smiles softly and says, "goodnight."

I flash a smile, "night."