P.S....I love you //l.s//

3. Chapter

° one week later °

The boys and I had a day off and they met up for a little shopping trip. I didn't join them as I needed some space from Harry who attacked me a lot in the past couple days. Let's just stay he didn't just leave one bruise on me. He gave me a black eye and my whole arm hurts from him grabbing it so hard that he left little bruises where his fingers digged into my arm. I just didn't want the others to ask questions in case they saw it.. I wouldn't answer them. I'm too scared. Well now I'm at home while the others are having fun.  They're better off without me anyways I would just bother them. I wouldn't buy anything since Harry would just give me nasty looks and rude comments once we're home.. I can be ugly in the clothes I already own.

To be honest.. no time ever seemed better than today. If I would end it today I could just put a stop to all those miserable feelings. I haven't felt that bad in a long time and my cuts became deeper and deeper recently. There was no will to live inside of me anymore and there's nothing holding me back. Why shouldn't I take the chance? The boys are busy and they won't be back until the evening. Why not now?
Everything is ready and I just need to write the letters.. I decided to say goodbye like that.

Hey Liam,

I know all of this is weird but I made this decision and I know what I'm doing. Im just happy it's finally over. I can't keep living in a big lie and I can't keep bothering all of you. I don't want to hold you back from being successful.
The past 5 years have been amazing and even though we hated each other in the beginning.. I'm happy to call you a friend. You stood up for me when I didn't get any solo parts in the songs because of my disgusting voice everyone hates... but I hate it too so it's fine.
What I wanted to say is.. I'm doing this because I can't go on like this anymore. I can't wake up everyday knowing everyone hates me. I can't wake up knowing Harry hates me... I can't bother a person that hates me so much. I love Harry but I know he'll never feel the same.. we're not even friends anymore.
Please take care of the other guys and just.. tell the fans I had an accident not like they'll care anyways. I love you guys and you've become a part of my life but that life is over. There's always a point where you have to say goodbye and .. I guess that point is finally here for me.

Louis xx

I felt tears rolling down my cheek that iI quickly wiped away before I grabbed a new piece of paper. I wasn't sad. I was exhausted and this needed to be done.

Niall,

hey shorty... I somehow feel like you need a hug right now.. and if you found me im deeply sorry I know you hate blood..
I just wanted to say goodbye. I want you to stay the happy little Irish boy we all love and just keep smiling.
I hope the bands success finally gets to grow as much as possible now that im gone. Finally it just consists of good looking guys that are talented I won't hold you back anymore.
Please cheer the boys up and know that this is the best for me. It'll be easier for you guys now and I really want this. It will make me happy so it should make you guys happy too.

Louis xx

I wasn't sure about it but deep down I hoped that at least Niall would be sad about everything... he's the only one who always seemed to care about me in a certain way. Even if he never shows it much. I just know he's smart and he notices stuff even if he doesn't admit it.

Hey Zayn,

Writing this is harder than I thought.. we bonded so much over the past months and I'm happy to have you as a friend but I can't do it anymore.
I can't keep lying about the way I feel and I can't keep acting happy when I haven't been happy in ages. I've been fighting for too long and it's time to give up.
You should know when you're losing a fight and I've lost this one too long ago.
Oh and finally find a girl you idiot you really fucked up with Perrie!

Louis xx

I wiped away some more tears.. It was hard to write this and actually admit for the first time that things aren't okey and that Im not okey. But still it wasn't that hard.. not as hard as the letter I will write for Harry... but first.. my family.

Hey Lottie, Fizzy, Pheebs, Dais and Dad,

I just wanted to say goodbye.. thanks for always supporting me.. I'm sorry that you had to lose Mom and now I'm gone as well.. I love you. Give Doris and Ernie a cuddle from me.

Louis xx

I didn't want to write more than that. I couldn't. I didn't want them to blame Harry .. it's not his fault he's just.. he made me realize what a big disappointment I am. It's my own fault for being who I am. If I wouldn't be so ugly and if I had a bit of talent.. maybe I wouldn't sit here right now maybe I'd be at some store buying clothes... but at this point I knew that's it. My time here was over and I had to end it.. after I wrote the letter to Harry. I'll tell him everything. Everything I always needed to say.. he needs to know and he will.