P.S....I love you //l.s//

9. Chapter

• 3 months later •

To keep it simple.. everything became worse. Everyday I felt worse. Everytime I just think about him I start crying.
Usually I just lay in bed drowning in self pity.
The boys gave up on helping me and they're taking care of the fans. They give one interview after another and try everything possible to keep them happy.

they even started a new album.. they're working harder than ever while I'm doing nothing.. I can barely eat. Louis room is full of bottles and everytime I think about him I either cry or freak out.
Sadness turned into anger. How could he be so selfish. Why did he kill himself! We could've fixed it. We could've been happy!!!  But that's history now.
The boys know i love him. They know I'm gay. They know it all but they gave up on me. Everyone is giving up on me. Even i gave up. What am I supposed to do? I can't go on like this.. that was the last thing I thought before going to bed.

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"Harry... HARRY.. Haz wake up!"
"Mmmmh ....", I was way too sleepy to recognize the voice and turned around. Shortly after I felt my bed sink in a bit and a small body was next to me wrapping its arms around me.
"You cried? What's wrong?"
No. No that's not possible. Never. What?!! No!
My thoughts jumped around inside of my head and I turned in his arms. It was him. His blue eyes.. his little beard. His fluffy brown hair and his cute little button nose. That's not real I'm dreaming. No.

"Haz what's wrong?"
The look that I gave him probably told him that I was shocked and confused and all I managed to say was a quiet  "Louis.. i love you."
I hugged him tight and started crying. I cried for what felt like ages.
"Harry stop.. don't cry. I love you too Haz but why are you crying I thought that's .. well not quite as emotional statement", he giggled.
He carefully wiped away some tears with his small hands and looked at me. He seemed worried.
"Harry what's going on?"
"I-I... you.. louis you are dead!"
"What? Well as far as I know I'm pretty alive?"
I quickly took his hands and checked his wrists. Not a single scar.. i was so confused.
"You're not dead?? You.. you're alive?"
"Looks like it huh?"
He was just as confused as me and was waiting for a reaction.
"Omg thanks thanks thanks thank you omg."
I hugged him as tight as possible and put my face in his hair just smelling him. "I love you."
I whispered it but I knew he heard me when he tried to look up at me.
"Harry?"
"Yes?"
"What are you on about"
"About what?"
"That.. that whole you love me and death stuff?"
"I love you So so much. Louis im such an idiot i should've told you right away i thought you were dead!!!"
"Uhm Im not.. I'm not dead. I'm fine but Harry?"

I was confused... all I knew was that i treated him like trash.. but why is everything different all of a sudden? What's going on?!

"I love you too Harry not stop being a creepy weirdo give me a kiss and lets get breakfast im starving."
I couldn't help it but stop thinking when I put my hand on his cheek and kissed him. Nothing mattered anymore. I just wanted to be happy with him. We kissed for a while and when he looked at me he said it again.. he loves me. I held his perfect little body as close to me as possible.
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I jumped up and looked around. Where is he?! He was just here?!! No louis. Nowhere.
I started crying.. it was a dream.. it can't be a dream it was so perfect. It felt so real.
That's how it could've been if I would have treated him right. I tried to fall asleep again. Escaping into my little dream world.. at least thats what I tried but I couldn't. Even though it was just a dream i still felt his arms around me and his lips on my lips. The part of the bed next to me was warm as if he was here... deep down I knew something was going on but I didn't understand it.
"L-lou? Are you here? Please.. please be here."
My voice was quiet and broken from crying so much. I started walking around the house looking for Louis but nothing... everything was empty the way It was before I went to bed last night. I walked into the bathroom looking into the mirror when I saw it.. the little hickey Louis left on my neck while we were making out during the dream.. it was right there.. I carefully touched it but I didn't understand a thing. What was going on. The dream felt so real.. so perfect. Was Louis here? I was so confused about everything right now.
I instantly brushed that thought away. There's no such thing he cant be here. I'm probably just going crazy. Maybe it's just a bruise.. it happens you get bruises without doing anything....nothing that's weird.
I slowly walked into the kitchen and made myself some breakfast but I wasn't hungry.. I was thinking about the dream. I was still playing with the thought that Louis was here.. but I kept telling myself that's impossible.
Why is everything turning so complicated. Am I going insane?