P.S....I love you //l.s//

5. Chapter

I was sitting on the floor leaning against the wall. My laptop had YouTube opened and a playlist with all of our video diaries back from the x-factor was playing. I smiled in memory of those good old times. Just 5 years.. wow. Things were easy..everything was so easy.
No hate no problems just fun ans doing what I loved. Singing used to be my passion until I realized.. I cant sing. That's what everyone is telling me. If everyone thinks that then maybe they're right. What am I saying.. there's no maybe when it comes to that.

I slowly pulled up both sleeves of the sweatshirt that I stole from Harry's wardrobe. It smelled like him and I loved it. Vanilla.. that's what his hair smells like. Those soft curls I loved so much about him.
I took the pills and poured the content of the box into my hand before grabbing the bottle of vodka I already had in here, taking pill after pill. It didn't take long until I felt the alcohol affecting me and I grabbed my phone.

Twitter: Louis_Tomlinson:

Always in my heart @Harry_Styles.

Yours sincerely,  Louis.

I giggled and posted the tweet knowing I already posted the exact same thing a few years ago.. but this was on purpose. My last tweet should be a nice memory that i had. A memory that included my love for Harry. A memory when times were easier. They would never be like they were again. 
My notifications exploded but I ignored it while I opened my messages and looked for Harry in my contacts. It's been a while since I texted him. We used to always talk to each other and if we weren't in the same room we kept texting back and forth.

I love you XX

I giggled again... probably the alcohol. Maybe the relief of finally admitting to my real feelings towards him. It felt good to finally say it. Even if it was just a text.
With shaking hands I took the blade.. it'll be over soon. My sight already began to turn blurry and slowly I pressed the cold piece of metal into my arm.. dragging it along my arm pressing down as hard as I could. I couldn't feel the pain it must've caused thanks to the pills. I felt numb and everything around me was turning blurrier by the second.
There was so much blood... so much more than usual.. but it was what I wanted. I repeated this on my other arm and let the blade fall from my hand. I looked at the little pools of blood forming beneath me admiring the red color and the steady flow of my own blood. I felt dizzy while I thought of some good memories.

Hello, we are One Direction!!!!!!!

Our first show as a band.. our first show in front of an audience. Our first show at the x-factor.
We were so nervous and scared to fuck up.

"Boo? Calm down!! Everything will be fine you can do it!!", Harry hugged me before kissing my cheek and I slowly nodded.

That's how it went before most of our shows. Harry motivated me and we just hugged for a while without saying a single word. I had a crush on him back then and probably enjoyed it more than he did but I didn't care about that. We were best friends and I was happy about that. Happy to call Harry my best friend and happy to be close to him.

While I was already slowly drifting off I took my phone and looked through my music until I found what I was looking for.. Dont let me go.. Harry's song started playing and I listened to his voice while I became more and more tired. I barely managed to keep my eyes open and everything turned black. I knew it would be over soon. My whole body felt numb and I slowly slipped down into the pool of blood that was on the floor. My blood. Now everyone will be happy.. everything is over. Harry's voice slowly became more distant before everything went quiet and black.

Don't let me, Don't let me, Don't let me go
'Cause I'm tired of feelin' alone
Don't let me, Don't let me go
'Cause I'm tired of feelin' alone

I don't have to be tired of feeling alone anymore... I let go. Finally it's over..