never be the same • markhyuck/nahyuck

18

Donghyuck wakes up on his desk. He must've fallen asleep while daydreaming. He notices that a jacket is weighing on his shoulders. He rubs his eyes and sits up, before taking the jacket off his shoulders. It's Jaemin's leather jacket, he notices. His eyes scan their office, but he seems to be gone. Donghyuck smiles and puts the jacket on. It really smells just like Jaemin.

He packs his things. Jeno asked him to study in the library earlier. But before he can finish up packing the door opens, revealing Jaemin.

"You're already awake?", he asks. He can't seem to put his eyes off Donghyuck. "Well, yes", Donghyuck awkwardly says and wants to take the jacket off.
"No, keep it on", Jaemin pouts. Donghyuck's face heats up. "But, it's your jacket! Thank you for keeping me warm with it though", he says.
"No, just keep it on, it's so cold today.", Jaemin keeps on insisting.
"But what about you? Won't you be cold?", Donghyuck asks with a worried tone.
"Don't worry about me, love, just give me what's in the pockets", Jaemin smiles.
Donghyuck opens the pockets and takes out a box of cigarettes. He chuckles. "You don't think I'd give you these, now, did you?", he laughs.
"Please, Hyuck", Jaemin says and makes an effort to take them away.
Donghyuck takes out a few cigarettes.
"If you're going to smoke these, I'll start smoking again too. Just watch me", he's serious. Jaemin sighs in frustration.
"Donghyuck, fuck, I can't stop just because you want me to now. You should know the struggle of quitting best", he huffs. "Give them back."

Donghyuck knows the struggle well enough. But after Jaemin left, he couldn't bring himself to touch one again.

"I stand by what I say, Jaemin. Why did you even start smoking? We always fought because of it. You hated smoking, so what's your deal now?", he scoffs. He does realize how harsh his words are coming out but he couldn't care less. Smoking is a dangerous thing.

"It's the only thing that keeps me alive, Donghyuck. I went through so much, alone. The only thing I had were these fucking cigarettes that reminded me of you", Jaemin shoots right back.

Donghyuck is at a loss for words. He can't believe what he's hearing.

"Fuck you Jaemin, you don't get to leave and break me and then tell me that you went through whatever you've gone through alone. Don't blame me for your fucking addiction", he hisses and bolts out of the door, taking the box of cigarettes with him.

Jaemin doesn't even follow him. Donghyuck doesn't even want him to. Or maybe he does.

He hurries into the library, tears already staining his pretty eyes when he reaches Jeno.

"What happened, Hyuck?", Jeno whispers and takes the boy into his arms.
"I hate him so much, Jeno", he's crying silently.

•

It's been a few days since Donghyuck's heated argument with Jaemin. It really threw him off. He's overworking himself again, keeping himself awake with energy drinks to study even harder. Hell, he even started to learn Japanese, just so he could escape his thoughts and feelings. He knows that the minute he isn't occupied with anything, his feelings will hit him.

He doesn't notice that he falls into the same depressive state he was in a year ago.

He sneaks to their office in the early morning hours to get his tasks and leaves to hide in the library. When he's done with them, he gives them to Jeno, who places them back in the office. He just can't face Jaemin or Mark. He needs space more than ever now.

It's already 11 pm when the librarian comes to Donghyuck's table. „We are closing now, you may go home, it's so dark already", the lady says. He nods and picks his things up. At home, he continues studying. Even Baekhyun notices the unhealthy amount of work that Donghyuck puts upon himself.

„Come here, Hyuck", he says in a serious tone as Donghyuck wants to pass the kitchen. „Hey Hyung, what's up", Donghyuck seems so calm. „When did you sleep last?", Baekhyun notices the heavy bags under Donghyuck's eyes. „Today Hyung, don't worry", Donghyuck lies. Baekhyun just stares at him for a second. „It started again, huh? Don't lie to me like that! We'll talk about this.", he's a little angry with him for lying. Donghyuck sighs.

„It's Mark, I just don't want to think about him, Hyung. I promise I've got this under control though", he pouts. Baekhyun shakes his head in disbelief. „And when did you want to tell me about Jaemin picking you up for school?", Baekhyun knows there's something more. „Hell, I didn't even know that Jaemin was back, why didn't you tell me?".

Baekhyun isn't mad, he's worried for him.

„How do you know about that?", Donghyuck freezes.

„I saw his car, now would you mind telling me what happened?"

No, Donghyuck can't sort his mind out now. He knows that once it's all out, he'll have a mental breakdown.

„Hyung, please let me explain this tomorrow", he avoids his eyes. Baekhyun doesn't know what to say, last time he forced him to open up, Donghyuck wouldn't come out of his room for weeks. „Okay, tell me when you're ready. I'll always be here for you, Hyuckie.", he says softly and lets the boy go.

.

It's a week later when Jeno notices. He had a hunch but he knew that Donghyuck was relapsing when the boy bought his fifth red bull for the day. They have P.E. class and Jeno sees how tired Donghyuck is.

Their practice starts. They play basketball and Donghyuck seems like passing out any minute. Jeno pulls him to the side. „Be honest with me, are you relapsing?", he asks and Donghyuck just smiles apologetically. „Let's discuss this later, Jen", he says as he jogs back to the field.

Donghyuck feels a little too dizzy though. But it can't be, Donghyuck went so many days without fainting before. Before being able to think even more about it, his world goes black.

.